Expected behaviour in UTMEdit


We do know of these set of rules: Rules of Conduct, and it is generally advised that you follow them whilst in Universal Turing Machine.

Things to avoid doing in the UTMEdit

  1. Deliberate ignorance, or narrow-mindedness.
  2. Expression of Homophobia.
  3. Expressing Sexism, or Racism.
  4. Resorting to personal attacks when participating in discussion/debate.
  5. Trolling/Spamming.
  6. Extended Roleplaying

Criteria for "Regular" StatusEdit

  1. Chatting regularly
  2. Friends with the other Regulars
  3. Reasonable activity

UTM RegularsEdit

One would think the regulars are a bunch of computer science geeks, but we're just regular geeks.
And (just a fair warning) many a troll (and "txt-spkr") has met their doom at the hands of certain UTM regulars.


Known as "liljack" or "bj". Even though he is 6 foot 3 inches, 270 lbs. (most of it muscle, mind you) He lives in Texas. Discovered how awesome chat was when he finally came to the UTM. Is into Rock and Metal. Metallica, Red, and Avenged Sevenfold are among his top ten. Despite being on the other side of the United States, he is xXEvermoreXx's "big brother". One of a handful of Christians in the UTM, which is sometimes a source of conflict with other regulars. Works as a gravedigger, but may end up doing something else after college.


Welshman living in Brasil. Chivalrous Pervert type and gets along with pretty much all of the older regulars.
Likes the ladies, and teaches English. Is also fluent in Portuguese.

cman456100 Edit

18 year old American male who lives in America. One of the youngest in the UTM. He is obsessed with proper grammar, much like DB and Matsteo, but is much more lenient. Has a big interest in becoming a mod, but his actions of messing with trolls is the likely deterrent of that. Goes by the names Doc, DoctorOMalley, Chris, cman, and Derpy. He arrived in the UTM after Entropic Delirium's 'war' and has stayed. Has recently returned from a hiatus; and is making himself known again.


Is a well-meaning guy, who doesn't like others being mistreated and will stand up for them when necessary.
Arrived in UTM on the heels of shimmerspirit, and has stuck around ever since.
(Knew shimmer, & Staz, & DBscotsdragon previously; being particularly close friends with shimmer and one of the few people able to comprehend her at her less coherent times)
Appears to have some form of active dislike towards DBscotsdragon, and it is at least somewhat reciprocated, due to their differing opinions and methods on certain issues.
Is fond of joking at times, but is sometimes hard to detect doing so and has at times hurt people by doing so.
Rather intelligent and pretty informed when it comes to political ideologies and such.


One of the more popular members of UTM (likely due to her being female).
Is quite insane, rather kinky & pretty talented…
Likes roleplaying being a cat.


Was formerly known as Ramon1000100100; his old account was hacked.
Enjoys running marathons and Wesnoth, and is very much a Chivalrous Pervert.
One of the few regulars that appears to have a working knowledge of DBscotsdragon.


Sometimes enjoys talking about the "old times"…
(The old times according to him include Toa_of_Pi, pre-Mod, & "some old regulars who no longer exist but enjoyed singing".)
Is (in his opinion), the coolest-looking UTM regular, after looking on Facebook and realising this.
Has been in UTM since he was a Kong newbie.
Tends to drop in and out of conversations without warning.


Arrived at the UTM by following Nord on his adventures.
Gets on well with all of the other regulars.
Is a radiant young mother, bringing happiness & (extra) insanity to all of the UTM.
Not on as often as she used to be, due to that silly thing called "life".
Is currently not on often due to pregnancy, and her having newly-settled in Korriban instead of UTM


British regular.
May not actually exist, but certainly talks enough to make up for any lack of reification.
Collects quotes (they're much cheaper than Bionicle or "Havoc: the Bothering").
Current favourite: "I'd hate to recommend drugs, alcohol, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." - Hunter S. Thompson
Rarely chats anymore; prefers to lurk.

incubus0   Edit

Sometimes known as "inc"
German regular with a penchant for the guys ;)(
Often flirtatious with Mat

Known as "kama".
A fan of "explicit materials" and wenches.
Sometimes referred to as "The Horny Teenager".
Dislikes being brought into conflicts between other regulars.===

Kayos94 Edit

A Canadian regular.
Is a mild form of Grammar Nazi.
Likes cats, loves to rant, & is rather paranoid.
Enjoys discussing video games, and loves internet memes.
Is a Golemizer addict, and currently runs the UTM Guild.

klaa2 Edit

One of the 'older' regulars.
Spends most of his time on Kong during slow days at work.
Has developed what some people call a 'life' lately, and is not on as much as the other regulars.
Is often both annoyed and amused by the idiosyncrasies of trolls and humanity in general.
Is frustrated by those who promote spiritualism, aliens, and evolution.
Is addicted to the games Golemizer and Remnants of Skystone.

mesamunefire Edit

One of the older (age-wise) regulars.
Is happily married & the resident "Computer Guy" of UTM. 
Currently has a job bossing other computer guys around.
Likes to debate a bit about anything you give him.
Will (attempt to) beat anyone at Super Smash Brothers Brawl, and often succeeds.


Known as "Ninja" "Tom" or "Shedinja".
English regular and likes men.
Has a lack of fondness for DBscotsdragon, due to DB's tendency towards being an abrasive personality.


Probably a time traveler or alien life form sent to earth to guide and monitor our transition into the Galaxies sentient life-beings association.
Worked for the NASA.


A mother of three knew GarnetRose before coming to Kongregate.
Is known as Rose or Ruse.
Will defend her position in arguments to the point of death (of the opponent).


The lovely lady with whom Noobmasterz is enamoured.
Known as "Sere"
Is the triple-threat of being beautiful in appearance, personality, and mind.
Doesn't drop by as often as others, and usually accompanies Noobmasterz.


Dislikes being ignored and will spam and use caps-lock if clamouring for attention.
Nowhere near as foolish as she sometimes appears to seem.


She's a very well-intentioned young woman who arrived around the same time as Corin.
Knows both shimmer & DB from before meeting on Kongregate.
Would like DB to cut back on the more abrasive aspects of his behaviour; ostensibly for the good of himself, but also to protect others she sees as threatened/intimidated by him.
Would generally be defined as Neutral Good, and is quite a sensitive person.


Known as "tan".
Far from a newbie to UTM, he has been here longer than most.
He is an active young man sometimes refered to as a French Whore.


"What can I say about me...? I'm uber. Pure and simple. ;D"
Has taken back his rightful place as a regular... finally.
"That's right, punks... suffer my wrath! Keep trolling, see how far it gets you in life."


WolfgangG Edit

Writes strange stories.
Can be rather depressive at times, but seems to have cheered up recently.
Seems not to chat as often as he used to.


Is good friends with most of the regulars
Is a self-described: scatterbrained, mindless, so-called machine, designed and destined to be a slave to living.
Known to be 'silly' and serious, can get depressive at times (and promptly makes himself leave)
Truly believes in his own lack of a soul, though others say he does have one.
Has no nicknames (likely due to his already-simple username), excluding things such as "Zacey" or his real name.
Known to be good for debates, or at least always have a comment to add.
May make silly comments to brighten people's days.
He has muted OVER 9000! users, and has actually reached the maximum amount of mutes that a user can give out. This number is 10999 users.
He's a programmer! So that too.
He has a four-foot "boner". (The musical instrument... You perverts)

Zorki Edit

Cute, glasses-wearing, geek-girl.
Often studying or working herself to the bone.
Has a knack for resolving conflicts amicably.
Alongside ElloMello, is one of the few UTMers to have at least a basic grasp of DBscotsdragon.

Moderators of UTMEdit

Here to serve and protect.. And compute; better than you.


Grammar Paladin.
After a run-in with the Grammar Gestapo, he's changed his evil ways and become much more tolerant of those less grammatically endowed.
Also, as a mod he can't go around bitching about everything.
He is one of the older regulars of the UTM, along with Toa_of_Pi.
Lives in San Francisco (claimed to be the home of everything awesome)
Some hobbies of his include cross country, procrastinating on the UTM, and snuggling other regulars.
He loves the whole world, and all its sights and sounds. Boom-de-yada.
Loves to dance, believe it or not, and will tango all over you if you keep on trollin'!
Was nominated for modship, and obtained his 'M' on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010.

donteatglue1 Edit

Is the asexual virgin of UTM.
Likes animals, books and soft things.
Tends to lie about her gender to outsiders, but is actually female.
Tends to get very annoyed when chat gets heated.


One of the younger regs.
He goes by Jirai, Jira, Jirah, etc.
He is a REALLY nice person and hates fights.
He is from Argentina and his first language is Spanish. Most people would never guess, since his English reading and writing skills are so impressive.

He is a big fan of Kingdom Hearts.


Joined UTM when he was still only Level 2 on Kong', and intends to stay for as long as he can.
Seems to like virtually snuggling people.
Got a lover recently and is not on as much.
Is referred to by a variety of names (Noob, Noobm, Noom, Mas... basically just various shortenings of his username)

Became a UTM room mod on 11/14/2012.


UTM's famous Viking Mod. Not much is known about Nord, but we do know that he hates trolls and those who feed them. Nord was (until a while ago) the owner of The Warehouse, but his Viking ancestry made him set off for new adventures. Has left us for a new room, but makes sure to visit often. Not yet. - Nord.


The mod without a profile (Not really; he just doesn't like you enough).
Has been around longer than the other mods, but isn't in UTM often.
Isn't active as much, but still drops by sometimes.


Olimm is UTM's newest Mod comparatively, but a firm favourite.
Has taken up residence in the UTM to smite the hordes of infernal trolls and whatnot.
Has been nicknamed "Olly" "Ol" "ORLYm" and prefers "Olim" to "Olimm".

Waterdancer9 Edit

Prefers to be called Water.
One of the kindest, most caring (sometimes too much for her own good) regulars.
Likes fluffy things and is obsessed with Kingdom Hearts.

Became a UTM room mod on 11/14/2012.

Frequent VisitorsEdit

These are users that do not qualify for 'Regular' status (at this point in time), for one reason or another.


Male... Likes Minecraft.
[Placeholder for more info]

GenOneZom Edit

Female gamer
Drops by every so often and is a pleasant personality.
[Placeholder for more information]


Old regular that doesn't drop by much anymore.
Was around in the time of Toa pre-Moderator along with Mat & ezered.
[Placeholder for more info]


Female, believe to be Canadian. Surprisingly not referred to as "Kit".
[Placeholder for more info]


One of the rare few people who have mastered conveying sarcasm over the internet.
Used to frequent, but doesn't drop by as often.


Female art student that likes Flash games.
Chat's relatively often, sometimes just to say hi to people.
[Placeholder for more info]


Male with connections with incubii. He also regrets his name choice everyday.
Is secretly Batman.


A wonderful Mod who visits UTM. Is friends with the developer 'nerdook'.


Male that likes other males, known as "Trex".
He joined the Navy! How... cliché is that?
From Texas. Just to, y'know, add to it.

Ultimatuiim Edit

Known as "Ulti" or "Ultim" or "Ultima".
[Placeholder for further info]

uuu2 Edit

New to the UTM but relatively active in chat. Loves to get Badges.
He has horrible spelling, but luckily uses a spellchecker.
Enjoys getting messages and if given a shout, he will almost always answer back.
He was never afraid to call a mod, and is now amusingly a Mod himself!

taw2 Edit

Was not originally in the UTM, but stayed in a room called Xanadu.
Hates trolls and will normally try to help take one down (though this CAN land him in trouble with Mods trying to deal with the situation)
Sometimes makes errors, or accidental false statements.
Tries to be peaceful & friendly to all users.
Not obsessive about spelling/grammar, but likes to uphold the UTM rule of no "txt" speaking and proper spelling.

Multiplayer Games of the UTMEdit

This section contains the names of multiplayer games that UTM Regulars play, and the names of the users that play them.


DBscotsdragon, ElloMello, Matsteo, Noobmasterz, Zace, mesamunefire


ChrisWar666, Kayos94 ,klaa2,


DBscotsdragon, ElloMello, Matsteo, Noobmasterz, Zace


DBscotsdragon, ElloMello, Matsteo, Noobmasterz, WolfGangG, Zace, mesamunefire (dev)

Quotes of the UTMEdit

This section is for quotes made in, or about, The Universal Turing Machine.

Favourite QuotesEdit

Anton Szandor LaVey: “Yeah, well, I'm crazy, but I'm not stupid, hopefully. And I think we're all a bit crazy if we do anything that's deviant. I've studied a great deal on deviance and aberrant behavior. Most of the interesting people I've ever met have been deviant in one form or another.”

Anton Szandor LaVey: "Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years!"

John Cleese: "If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?"

Mark Twain: "Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

Quotes from UTMersEdit

klaa2: Balls of steel don't protect against a shotgun shell in the face.

Matsteo: It's a cross between a condom and a duck!

Scul: Grinding? You mean you two started to turn each other into sausage meat?

Matsteo:: "Humans are rationalizing Kitty, not rational." ... "Whoah.. That was like... Wise n' shit."

DBscotsdragon: "Don't forget the Grafenberg-Spot!"
donteatglue1: "Isn't that a pokémon?"
MooDooMan: "Go, G-Spot!! G-Spot used squirt! It's super effective!"

Lashof: "sup"

Matsteo: "... Why is my cat covered in peanut butter?"

cman456100: "Oh COME ON, glue! It was one time! Give it a rest! One shock site won't kill ya!"

Waterdancer9:"time travel condom: not just for reversing std's anymore!! now you can go back in time to impregnate people to create future friends!!"

Olimm: "They do look pretty woody, yeah."

tanwers: You get used to the sirens and gunshots at night
donteatglue1: It is basically made up of fault lines.
DBscotsdragon: Until eventually you can't sleep without 'em?
tanwers: Kinda soothing after a while
tanwers: Ninja'd
DBscotsdragon: Ninja'd~
DBscotsdragon: Damnit!
tanwers: HAH
DBscotsdragon: Counter-ninja'd :P
tanwers: The ninja got ninja'd
mesamunefire: So now to a completely different subject. Anyone watch Avatar?
DBscotsdragon: An eye fer an eye.
tanwers: ._.
tanwers: ****!
DBscotsdragon: Did we just counter-counter-ninja?
tanwers: The last air bender?
tanwers: Yes we did e_e
DBscotsdragon: That's a ridiculous sequence.
tanwers: Put it on the wiki!

Kamerynn: I'm been here for long enough to remember when this was a haven for intellectuals.
shimmerspirit: Kamerynn lolwhen
Kamerynn: shimmer lolbeforeyou

donteatglue1: Your maternal unit has the mammary glands of common livestock.

kamakazi1: Yo momma got utters.

Waterdancer9:you can't go wrong if you shield your dong!

cman456100: Did you fall from heaven? Because have sex with me.



tanwers: I left my window open and went down stairs for my laptop and went back upstairs and there was a cat in my room, I do not own a cat.

donteatglue1: I would love to be a peniscorn!

donteatglue1: It was a concussion of friendship.

AtomskPK: lol, water, how many letters have you sent to him asking for baby batter samples??

A Note Regarding RoleplayingEdit

There was a Chatzy room set up specifically for UTMers who wish to roleplay.
The Admins were DBscotsdragon, Matsteo, & Noobmasterz.
We hoped to run a semi-regular session of a simple RP system.
There were murmurings of TaiJParry wanting to run a low-level Supers campaign in GURPS, also.
If enough interest is expressed, it would be remarkably easy to set it all up again.

I want to learn more about Turing machines!Edit

These links to the domain of questionable knowledge might help you on the way. Warning: heavy stuff!

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