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The Adventures of Nana is a fanfiction revolving around various members of the Nanaverse. It is written by user Alucardon.

Hey, Hey, Hey guys! After a predetermined, scientifically calculated waiting time (Yes. I go very far for my work. ;P) I give to you, Act 1 of the Adventures of Nana! Hope you guys all like! Be sure to leave comments on how you think the story is and how YOU, the reader, think the story should continue. Now, if you excuse me, I have to do my daily QWOP exercises.



ACT 1.1. The Power of Fate…and Funk.

On top of a hill overlooking Great Luke’s Field. FuNx overlooks a battle going on at the bottom of the hills.

FuNx- Faith is a concept known by every Nanaian in the realm of Nana. Wherever you may look, from the top of the tallest tree, to the bottom of an ordinary rock, it seems to rear its ugly head always. Whenever you seem to have evaded the clutch of its unlineal hand, there it is, right behind you, waiting, waiting for you to make an action that will decide your life, your virtues, and your troubles from here on out.

The feeling these, these brash soldiers have for the faith of their swords and armor is uncanny. Just look at them, getting slaughtered and butchered by their own swords and spears…bah. It ain’t my life, but why do I feel the pain they do?

Wherever I might go in this great world of ours, there is one thing I know. One thing that exceeds far among the rest of the things my mind has seen in this world…there will always be hope and faith in this realm. People may always take orders in this realm, but as long as I can live, people will always have the sense of compassion, hope, and love they hold near and dear to their hearts.

Well, I must be off. It’s clear the Demonians have the edge in this fight. It’s too bad the Amazonians don’t believe in breast reduction, those blobs are some easy targets, yessire’…

FuNx proceeds to exit, however, out of the blink of an eye, he draws his staff and deflects a blow received from an invisible force. Darkness surrounds the top of the hill.

FuNx- By Alucardon’s Tongue! Tis’ you! I’d half thought you would be the leader of this fiercest war; of course, you and your power hungry monstrosities can’t get enough of draining the little life that is left in this realm of ours. But what, what do you want from a frail old scribe as me?

Out of the choking darkness, Jet appears. He grabs FuNx by his throat, and hails him over his head.

Jet- Old bastard, you know what I want. Only you know of the ones who have the potential of saving these worlds from the tyranny that is us factions. You’ve seen it all, past and present, with those almighty eyes of yours. Cruel, cruel fate, eh? How about I show you some of my brute fate, you old whelp!

Jet enhances his already iron clasp he has over FuNx’s throat. Raising him up over the battlefield, he yells, in his devilishly deep voice…

Jet- Warriors! Men and women alike! Gaze upon me! In my grasp I hold one of the most powerful men alive! Fear my hands! FEAR THE DEMONIANS!

All of the Demonians chant in approval and rage over the prized catch received from their master. In fear of the Demonians increasing battle morale, the Amazonians retreat. Returning his attention to FuNx, he says…

Jet- Now, you follow my orders now. Give me the information I need, or prepare to feel me extract it from you piece by piece with the efforts of my dark magic! Choose! You don’t have much time! Fate won’t wait for you! (Evil Laugh)

In what should be FuNx’s last breath, he begins to mutter random words, unprecedented and unrecognizable in this realm of Nana, and music not known by even a Treant’s ears.

FuNx- I’m gonna take you out tonight…I’m gonna make you feel alright…I don’t have a lot of money, but we’ll be fine, no, I don’t have a penny, but I’ll show you a good time…

The music increasing in volume, the beat increasing, and the volume raging on, Jet releases his grasp on FuNx just to cover his ears and reduce the stress of the music on his demonic ears. FuNx’s mouth opens to its fullest, the music blazing like a wave of funky fresh fire across the Great Luke’s Field.

Jet- No, no, stop! Stop damn it! STOP THE MUSIC! HNNNNRGHGHGHGHG…!

In a Final wave of precious funk magic, FuNx explodes in a hot wave of inverted colors and electro music. The blast forces Jet to retreat into darkness.

Jet- Curse you on Alucardon’s name FuNx! You can run, but you can’t hide! Do you hear me!? NO ONE ESCAPES FROM JET LAG THE 1ST!

Jet vanishes in a shroud of darkness.

END.

Act 1.2, More than meets the eyes?

FuNx skyrockets from the sky, careening towards a forest marsh. He crashes, creating a huge boom that shocks the nearby forest birds, sending them randomly fluttering in the rain soaked sky.

FuNx gets up from his headfirst landing into the marsh tar.

FuNx- '''Dang that was some fall. Thank Alucardon I took the time to enchant my fro’ with indestructible properties…

FuNx takes a moment to acquaint himself with his surroundings. Rain is falling down, and there isn’t much to see in the marshes besides swamp muck and rocks lodged into the water saturated swamp goo. However, out from the corner of his eye…

FuNx- Is that a cave? Well, it must suffice as proper living quarters. Besides, if I stay out in the rain any longer, my fro’ will start to droop, and that’s a terrible faux pais.

Leaping from stone to stone, it takes FuNx quite a while to navigate himself through the now quick sandy swamp muck. If he were to slip and fall into the muck, it would take him quite a long time to wrestle himself out of it, as he stares at the array of animal bones lodged into the swamp goo.

Finally, FuNx approaches the dank cave. There is a perpetual odor wafting from the cave, an odor that should repulse any person who dare try to enter its domain. Outside the cave lie corpses of animals from the surrounding area, along with some human skeletons just lying on the cave crest. To anyone, the cave is unwelcoming, to say the least.

FuNx- I don’t like the smell of this place, it smells of something long gone, ancient, and powerful...and spicy… or maybe that’s just the corpses…

As FuNx begins to turn back, His 7th sense (His Fro, DUR) instantly tells him to pull out his ancient yew staff and AMBERLAMPZ around. With accurate and thousand year old skill, FuNx manages to deflect a what would be death kill from a huge monstrosity, at least 50 feet high, and Alucardon knows how wide. The monstrosity, with its meaty eyes…wait, meaty eyes?

Looking up, FuNx sees the monstrosity staring down at him, smiling at its hairy prey.

FuNx- What on Nana? A T-T-T-

Monster- FOOOOOOOD!!!

Before FuNx can even finish his sentence, The gargantuan beast lifts its leg up, and proceeds to stomp FuNx deep into the Marsh goop. Is this the end of FuNx as we know it?

ACT 1.3. Abusing Your Powers.

Of Course not. How could you end a story on Chapter 3?

With his ancient afro magicka, FuNx’s Fro transforms into a gigantic, hairy shield, toppling the gigantic beast as soon as it put any force onto the makeshift shield. FuNx proceeds to finish his sentence.

FuNx- TACO? A gigantic Taco beast? Out of the millennia I’ve fostered myself on this sacred realm, I’ve never layed thine’ own eyes upon a beast of this magnitude, and crunchy resistence! Speak, monster! Or face the wrath of my Fro-awesome powers!

The Taco Beast groans, and proceeds to attack FuNx with…Condiments?

Looking up, FuNx sees not only globs of sour cream heading towards him, but someone riding the giant taco monster.

With quick precision, FuNx proceeds to dispatch the Beastmaster riding atop a giant taco shell. Dodging globs of sour cream, hot sauce blasts, and layers and layers of beans (While swiping a good deal of food for himself), FuNx manages to race upon the side of the beast’s shell and confront the Taskmaster controlling this scrumptious beast.

FuNx- You there! Troll! What madness is this? Attacking men in the forest to curb your hideous beast’s hunger? Answer me!

Releasing the corn chip reins it has on the monstrosity, the rider turns and faces FuNx. The rider is a sight to see indeed.

Ash faced and crimson eyed in rage, the rider, in breakneck speeds, draws and arrow from an unseen quiver and fires a shot at FuNx…with no bow?

-TEMPORARY INTERMISSION-

SPECIES IDENTIFIER-

Troll Kin- Long thought to be eradicated off the face of Nana by all three Sects, it is an impossibility to see one in Nana today. While they were still proseperous, “Trolls” Razed and wrecked havoc among all of Nanaia. With makeshift tools and veteran training, trolls destroyed nearly all of the villages around Nana, before King Biscuit aligned with the Amazonians to eradicate the trolls. Their plan was a semi success, as there is still one left. Trolls were rumoured to be able to make a weapon out of nothing; the way they do this is unknown.

Elementals- Gigantic, fearsome creatures, elementals are fearsome when formed with other materials, however, by themselves, elementals are just wisps with glowing eyes. Elementals can become whatever type of “object” they wish to be and personify them. This includes wood elementals (Also called Treants), rock elementals, water elementals, and even as far bizarre as pie elementals and, well, taco elementals.

-INTERMISSION COMPLETE. RESUME STORY.-

FuNx- Tardus Motus Vox Strenuus!

And with those words time slows around FuNx’s body. The arrow flying right into FuNx’s forehead stops, and falls to the ground.The whole world around FuNx turns a rich blue sapphire, and everything seems to echo, from the crunching under FuNx’s feet as he steps in crunchy taco shell, to his silent breathing.

FuNx- Jeez, what’s with everyone not answering my questions? Seriously. I can’t even get a word out of an elemental.

And then, FuNx has an epiphany.

FuNx- Now, I never tried this before…

Thirty Minutes Later…

FuNx- What a masterpiece!

Poor troll. In front of FuNx stands his “Masterpiece”, a solidified “snowmen” troll covered in sour cream, mystery meat, taco shavings, cheese, lettuce, and two tomatoes for eyes.

FuNx- Ah wait, I forgot the Smiley face!

And so, using his slender fingers, FuNx plants a makeshift sour cream frown/smile on the mummified troll snowman. Delicious? Maybe. Un-Humanitarian? Definitely.

FuNx- And the finishing touch, a solidifying spell!

FuNx- Calx Gelu Vereor!

With a bone shattering snap, both the elemental and troll turn into stone in the blink of an eye.

And with that stone cold spell, three things slip from the troll’s body.

FuNx- Hmmm…a map, an identification card, and a few gold Nandas, these will come in handy, except for this identification card. Hah, and it’s from Ye Olde’ Game Tavern. What an N00b troll!

Flinging the card in the air, sunlight shines on the card.A headshot of both the taco elemental and the troll show, while The names on the bottom read “YouTubeFan and Gkenz FEREVER!!!ZOMGLOLPIE”…sound familiar anyone?

FuNx- Gah, now where to go…

Off in the distance, FuNx sees arrows flying in the air over the undefined forest.

FuNx- Oh right, I don’t know where I am…lemma check the map…

Checking map, and pinpointing his magical landing coordinates, FuNx realizes…

FuNx- By Alucardon’s name, the curse that’s been set upon me is deep. I’m in Amazonian territory, right smack dab in the middle of it! Today has conceived a great amount of horrible luck for me. *sigh*

I guess I must head towards the battlefield. Whoever’s fighting the Amazonians, so I think, must have good will inspired in them to a degree. Off to battle I go! Again…

Heading down the now fossilized elemental statue, FuNx braves a new adventure…the fight for survival. Will he prevail to returnback to his hometown? Will he prevail to save all of Nana from evil? Who knows, but the fro’, amirite?

Act 1.4 Wooden Arrows.

Finally managing to get down from the stone cold taco elemental he so brutally slandered before, FuNx finally has the chance to ponder some of his thoughts while advancing towards the battlefields.

FuNx- Ah, finally, the rain’s let up. Maybe I can take a break…and rest my weary bones.

Propping himself down on the saturated meadow, FuNx soon realizes he’s more tired than he thinks.

FuNx- *Yawn* Gah, two epic nonstop battles in one day is too much fer-*muffled words*

And with that, FuNx is out like a light.

8 Hours Later

FuNx awakens to a loud boom coming from not too far from him. With blind instinct, FuNx readies his staff for battle.

FuNx- WHO? WHAT? WHAZZAH? Good Alucardon, how long have I slept?

From there, another loud boom is heard not too far from where FuNx is, knocking FuNx too his knees.

FuNx- Gah. I gotta get outta here! Whatever threat is nearby has to be hostile. I mean, Dur.

FuNx dashes back into the surrounding forest, evading what is an invisible enemy. Stopping to catch his breath, FuNx recollects his thoughts.

FuNx- Wait, whoah. I’ve been out for 8 hours…damn it. No wonder; the battle I saw from atop the taco elemental must have advanced towards me…I should’ve known better. I gotta plan an alternate route…

Uncrumbling his map and taking out a pen, yes, they have pens in Nana. And fire. And…pencils, and begins to draw his route out of this miserable forest. Just when he’s about to finish…

FRRRRRRRRR THWANG. An arrow high from the Amazonian treetops careens through the forest and creates a giant hole through FuNx’s map, and then lodges itself into a nearby tree. Immediately preceding that lone arrow comes a rain of arrows wizzing through the sky and heading straight for FuNx.

Immediately, he springs into action; whirling his staff, FuNx manages to deflect a good deal of the arrows, but one manages to impale itself within FuNx shoulder.

Holding back his cries of pain, FuNx winces and calls out to the unseen enemy.

FuNx- I-I mean no harm! *Grunt* I tell you! I’m only trying to get back to my cottage! Honest!

FuNx’s response is met with another barrage of arrows, in which FuNx takes, cover behind a large rock. Crying out with the once again, FuNx tries to negotiate with the enemy.

FuNx- Look! Individuals! I know your waging a battle at the moment In these thick forests; but I swear to Alucardon’s golden heart that I mean no harm to you! Just, just let me live…and I’ll fight for you!

Silence, and then a masked assailant appears out of nowhere and puts a bow gun to FuNx’s throat.

???- Pick up your belongings, your coming with us.

Gathering his staff, FuNx silently proceeds to follow the masked individual by treetop movement, bounding from branch to branch, until he is met by other snipers dressed similar to the assailant accompanying him. Balancing himself on a single branch, high above the ground, FuNx wonders how these snipers are able to keep perfect balance on these near deathly conditions.

FuNx- Who, who are you people?

His remark is met with muffled laughter from the crowd. And then, the leader accompanying him answers the sly remark.

???- You really don’t know who we are?

FuNx- No. Out of the…

FuNx ponders whether he should reveal his nigh immortality.

FuNx-… long time I’ve been on Nana, I’ve never seen warriors clad in red war paint and hard leather armor such as you.

More laughter, until the Sniper accompanying FuNx signals for them to stop. He removes his bronze facial mask, revealing a red haired, bearded face of a man. No, not a man. A Demon, a devil, an ashen faced being of hell with sharp emerald eyes ,and an iron stare that can pierce through glass. The leader gazes at FuNx. In a low, almost growling tone of voice, the leader speaks.

Leader- We are the Cervena Lukostrelci, Crimson Archers, if you will. We are the most experienced, most fearsome, and most awesome ranged assailants in all of the Demonian kingdom.

He draws his sheathed knife, and curbs it on FuNx’s throat.

Leader- And you better remember that, from here on out.

Releases Grip.

FuNx- (To himself) Wait, wait one second. DEMONIAN? Have a fallen prey to Demonian underlings. What a fool I am, to Relinquish sleep for safety…look at what I’ve gotten into! By Alucardon…guide me through this grief…

FuNx- (Returning to Reality) I will, for as long as I am with you. Might I ask, what is your name?



Leader- Ακτίνα. Ray, in your pitiful language.

FuNx- Well Ray, where are we headed next on the agenda?

Ray- To battle, of course. The Amazonians have laid claim to our land much too long, and must be pushed out, once and for all. We will stay in the forests and pick off any Amazonians who try to flee. Be lucky, welp, you won’t have to go in the front lines.

Ray- (To the crowd) You there, Hand me your bow and arrow.

Flung to Ray, and then handed to FuNx, along with a quiver.

Ray- I hope you know how to use these. If you don’t, learn fast.

FuNx- A wise and all powerful magician confined to use a flimsy bow and scarce arrows? What madness is this?

Ray- (To All) Ready your bows men, TO BATTLE WE GO! FOR THE DEMONIANS! FOR FREEDOM!

War cry from the crowd, and they advance forward.

FuNx- B-But sir…

Ray- There are no butts in teams. Well, there are, but…you know what I mean. Follow me, the Amazonians must be eradicated TONIGHT!

They go, bounding across treetops.

And so, FuNx is confined to being a battle slave of the Demonians for the time being. Will he escape and find his way home? Or will the menacing outlook of the Demonians forever paraylize FuNx from the outside world?

Act 1.5 The Price to pay.

Dashing through the trees at breakneck speeds, FuNx is having a hard time keeping up.

FuNx- Hey! Hey Ray! How on Nana are you able to keep your balance in these treetops! No man can balance themselves on these trees for so long!

Ray- Than, how can you do it?

FuNx’s mind alerts him to the mistake he made. These archers still don’t know of FuNx’s all knowing powers, and how long he’s been on this realm.

FuNx- I-I lived among these treetops, among the fays of the forest. I’ve learned the art of treetop scavenging and gliding since I was a child. My…late mother was killed in a treetop accident.

What a lie, FuNx thinks to himself.

Not even stopping to give comfort, Ray retaliaties.

Ray- In our kin, our mothers are brutally raped by our fathers. After they give birth, they are sacrificed for our gods of our grand religion Talinor. The children, whether born man or woman, are trained in the art of fighting and faith. We live and grow and thrive alone, in the fiery bowels of hell, until we are wisked away to the armies of our leader JetLag.

Not even showing any signs of discomfort or sobbing, Ray accelerates his speed through the forest. However, FuNx thinks he sees a tear from Ray’s Emerald eyes. Was it…sadness? Regret?

FuNx- That damned Talinor. Spreading its thick roots across all of Nana. There is only one god in our great realm of Nana, Alucardon. He made it so that I can live forever. I have witnessed his sight upon me. I am living proof of his existence here on this world. If I could, I would end Talinor where it stands. And kill that cursed HemoToxin…

And what of these demons? They’ve been disregarded for as long as I remember for being only pawns of the Demonians. Having no heart. Having no soul. But, but I think I see a different side of them. At least in Ray.

Enough idle thinking, I have to catch up with ray and the Crimsons.

Picking up speed, FuNx ends up at a glade where all the Crimsons are hiding.

Crunching branches under his feet, Ray pulls his legs down, and draws his bow gun.

Ray Points with his sharpened finger at a wandering Amazonian, cleavage, schmiter, and all. Wandering away from the battlefield, this Amazonian was obviously a run away. Arming his bow, Ray takes aim, and signals for FuNx to do the same.

FuNx- Crap. The only time I’ve ever used this thing was in my early twenties, when I was hunting deers for game. Now the arrow goes here, I pull back…GAH.

As soon as he pulls back,FuNx’s wounded shoulder practically lights on fire. Looking over, FuNx sees that his shoulder has turned a sickening shade of green. Green pus protrudes from the punctured flesh of the arrow shot.

FuNx- Mrff…this wound was poisend…demon poison. The demon’s had to notice though…wait. They did.

I’m a temporary warrior. This, this poison will soon kill me. No wonder they took me in. I’m just fodder for the war, no, not even the war, the battle. Why didn’t I see this earlier…no demon can be trusted.

The arrow wizzes through the air…

Act 1.6 To Ditch a Demon.

Not even grazing the Amazonian, not, that’s too nice, not even NEAR the Amazon’s voluptuous body, the arrow finds itself buried in a bush. How hard is it to hit cleavage of that magnitude anyway? Seeing the threat, the Amazonian runs, in breakneck speeds, not away from the battlefield, but towards it. Luckily, though, one of the Crimson Archers dispatches the Amazonian with a swift shot to the head. Ray slowly turns to FuNx. In a very menacing growl, almost hell like, Ray proclaims…

Ray- YOU FAT FRO’D IDIOT!

Lightning quick, Ray knocks FuNx, shoulder first, into the trunk of a tree, sending FuNx in a screaming fit.

FuNx- ARGH!! DEMONS. You should’ve never let me live. FACE THE RAGE… OF FUNX.

Erupting in white flame, FuNx’s fro burns away, revealing only a white blue celestial body in front of the demons. The sheer power of FuNx’s transformation knocks the demon’s to the ground. FuNx approaches them step by step…

Ray- OH TALINOR. OUR SAVIOR HAS COME! ALL HAIL TALINOR!

The demons who used to be his enemy bow down in fear and awe for their master.

FuNx- Hmph…they mistake me for their all powerful god of their lackluster religion. I’ll show them the power of their religion…

Raising his blue, celestial hand, FuNx announces a word…

'FuNx- Ανατινάζω'''''!

Three out of the Seven Crimson Archers explode, sending blood, guts, and more blood all across the space of FuNx and the remaining Crimson Archers. FuNx faces one of the lackluster archers.

FuNx- Now. I heard demons like the heat , eh?

The monstrosity nods.

FuNx- So, you wouldn’t mind it if I…put up the degrees a bit?

Using his otherworldy powers, FuNx makes two of the seven Demonians catch on fire, out of nowhere, and burn to ashes in front of their leader.

Ray, tears in his eyes, kneels and kisses FuNx’s feet (Ew) and pleads his last words…

Ray- OH MASTER. PLEASE, LET ME GO! I WILL GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT!

FuNx- Give me the antidote, fatty.

Ray- For what?Am I really that fat? Maybe he meant phatty.

With another flick of his hand, the other two Crimson Archers explode, sending even more body parts all over the battlefield.

In tears, Ray proclaims…

Ray- OH MASTER! HERE!

Ray, with the last strength he has, flings the antidote to FuNx. FuNx pours the antidote on his shoulder, and immediately feels relived.

FuNx- Now. You must also become my slave. You will tell me everything you know about the Demonians, or I will extract it from you myself. You must dispatch every enemy that comes my way. You must do all my dirty work, or else…

Levitating one of the severed heads up from the ground, FuNx clutches it and holds it up to Ray.

FuNx- YOU WILL END UP LIKE HIM.

Picking up his belongings from the ground, Ray follows FuNx’s beckoning to come over.

FuNx- We will head north, to the battlefield.

Ray- But Sire-

FuNx- NO BUTS. I need to know the reason for all this fighting. And, I need to talk to a specific Amazonian.

They leave, treading the Meadow of Sadness towards the battlefield.

In these times of chaos and monetary peace, it seems the chaos has gotten to FuNx. Ray, now “partner” to FuNx, is FuNx’s first ally in his quest for peace. The question remains, who is this mysterious Amazon? Will FuNx ever recover from his chaotic standstill? WILL RAY LOSE WEIGHT? Who knows but the fro, amirite?

1.7 Tears of Fog.

Over a clearing, FuNx and Ray sight the battle going on in the Plain of Tears. It is definitely a battle between the Amazonians and the Demonians, for on most of the dead corpses lies plenty a boobs and black fangs. Before FuNx and Ray try to join the battlefield, an Amazonian jumps from the shrubbery and attacks them both. FuNx dodges the pounce.

FuNx- Wench. Don’t fool with fate.

As a cue, Ray jumps on the Amazonian and silently dispatches her with a stab to the neck.

Ray- Sire, I must concur that we should get to this Amazonian as quickly as possible, lest we both receive a drastic fate.

FuNx- You mean YOU’LL receive a drastic fate.

Ray- Err, yeah…?

FuNx- Good.

Hastily, the duo makes a break from their clearing and onto the bloddy battlefield. It seems they’ve made their way into the wounded infirmary cottage. Looking through the open windows, the partners see Amazonians are being tended from minor cuts and bruises to full on transplants of limbs. The moaning from the area is quite…arousing, to say the least.

Healers lie over the most gruesomely wounded of the bunch. Amazonians are not only known for their brute power, but their magical bonds with the arcane. One healer especially is concentrating her powers to regenerate one combatants legs, which seemed to be brutally, but skillfully, cut off.

However, one healer from them all stands out from the rest. She’s wearing a bright velvet overcoat, and is, along with some other white linen clad magi, tending to what may be the most gruesome sight of all. An Amazonian with both her arms and legs cut off.

Ray- Sire, that one over there, the chested one…she’s a sign of something much more powerful that’s on this battlefield.

FuNx- Don’t tell me what I know already. She’s a sign of something much more powerful on this battle plain.

Ray- But I just said that…

FuNx- So?

With a heavy sigh, Ray creeps up the side of the cottage and looks on at the surgery. With keen ears, he listens and reports back to FuNx.

Ray- My Talinor, pray tells you know how to counter the effects of Necromancy.

FuNx- Speak not a word of that. Necromancy is beyond my powers. It is the most gruesome of all ten classes of magic, and should be turned a blind eye because of that. I deal only with the Arcane.

'Ray- At any rate, sire, 'Βροντή is leading the Demonian side of this conflict.

FuNx- Βροντή? Thunder? Thunder…Wank? This battle is more serious than I thought, Ray. If Thunder Wank is leading this battle, he’s come to create more of his minions.

At that word, screams of terror are heard from the infirmary. The duo jumps to investigate, and what they see is an even more terrible sight than what was seen before.

All of the most gruesome of the Amazonians begin to decay. Their skin rotting away, they enter a series of contusions, until nothing is left but Skeletal bones.

Rising from their makeshift cots, the menacing phantoms begin to dispatch those who used to heal these now dead couriers. With superhuman strength, the skeletal warriors rip their past allies limb from limb, killing the wounded, healers, and visiting warriors with no stress, no mercy, not even a blink…wait. Skeletons don’t have eyes, my bad.

As he is watching the chaos ensue, a shadow covers the once shining sun. No, it can’t be an eclipse, eclipses don’t cover half the sky in black, inky darkness. To Ray, FuNx speaks.

FuNx- I have a baaaad feeling about this. Ray, this shadow is not natural. In fact, it’s not even supernatural…this is an act of the undead.

Ray- Well, derp. How do you explain the skeletons?

Before FuNx has a chance to snap back, a thick fog appears out of nowhere, reducing visibility beyond a person’s hand to zero. Not only does it drown sight, but the thick fog drowns out any sound whatsoever besides loud Amazonian shrieks of terror and horrid, distant moaning. In order to actually see something, FuNx lights a tiny wisp on his hand, which guides him, partially, in the almost suffocating fog.

FuNx- Ray! Ray! Danggit Ray, answer me!

Oh, FuNx got an answer, but not from Ray. Out of nowhere, a talon, sharp as a razor, slices FuNx across his breast, making him wince but not completely knocking down FuNx. Muttering a word from his ancient language, the wisp in his hand transforms into a blazing fireball, which FuNx proceeds to send right at the talon that cut him.

As soon as the fireball made contact with the talon, something utters a deafening war cry…

???- FOR NANAAAAAAAAAA! HNNNNNNNNNNN-

The ghoul that once sliced a human now lays dead on a golden spear. After the spear deposits the ugly ghoul on the ground. Out from the frog, stands the hero who saved FuNx’s life.

1.7 Shiny.

Appearing from the mist stands a paladin with armor so glistening it almost, almost breaks through the dark veil of fog still surrounding the duo. Golden symbols of all different kinds adorn the already shining silver armor, some recognizable, some not. However, the one in the middle of the silver plate mail is probably the most recognizable; the golden star, a symbol of the Kingdom of Nana’s army.

However, the cherry on top of the gold for the paladin lies in its hands. The golden spear it holds is expertly crafted, a mix of both steel and adamantine. The tip of the spear, although covered in thick, black blood, still shines with the gold and stone it was made with.

Removing its feathered helm, the warrior hails FuNx.

Paladin- Hey FuNx. Come with me if you want to live, I’ll explain everything later.

FuNx- Why should I? I don’t know who you are, you could be an evil spawn in disguise for all I care.

The Paladin quickly draws his spear and tucks the tip right at FuNx’s neck.

Paladin- I asked nicely, that’s why you should.

Paladin- Now, can’t you light a magical fire or something to light this fog? From what I’ve heard from you, you can.

FuNx tries to create a burning inferno to light the fog to oblivion, but, something seems to be restraining him. Some kind of magical lock on his powers restricts FuNx to lighting nothing more than another flare in his hands the likes of which he sent towards the ghoul.

Paladin- Come on man, my old lady can do better than that.

The paladin lays out his hands, and semi screeches/regurgitates something.

Paladin- HNNNNNNNNN-

A fart sound ensues, and the Paladin is enveloped in white light.

FuNx- Good. Alucardon. What on Nana was that?

Paladin- Skills. Skills to pay the bills. Learn em’, Fewl.

FuNx sighs, and follows the paladin into the enveloping mist.

Yet again, FuNx finds himself a captor of his untapped and restricted powers. However, where will this person take him? What happened to Ray? What happened to the Amazonian in the red cloak? Will FuNx EVER get home? Who knows but the fro, amirite?

1.8 A Hero Dies?

FuNx- How LONG have we been walking? It seems like a day, and not a break in the fog.

Paladin- Hey. How hard do you think it was for me to track you? You’ve been walking in zig zags with that damned archer for hours.

FuNx- Oh Alucardon, Ray. And how does this buffoon know where I’ve been going? So. You’ve been tracking me since when…?

Paladin- Since you teamed up with that escaped convict and his ragtag group of men.

FuNx- So, he lied to me again. That Ray, I don’t know whether to thank him or find and kill him myself. He was nothing more than a poser; an escaped prisoner from Omeneaus prison or something…dammit. Why didn’t I obliterate him on the spot?

FuNx- Do you know what happened to him anyway?

Paladin- Oh, we took care of him.

FuNx- Took care of him? Hmph. I guess he met an untimely death one way or another.

FuNx- One last question, who are you?

Paladin- Puppet. Captain of the division of tactical specialists and Sentinels of the Kingdom of Nana. DISSKON, for short. You can stop calling me a Paladin. Okay Buddy?

FuNx- Yeah, sure.Yeah sure? Come on. I got myself almost mixed up with the Demonians, now I have to involve myself with the kingdom? And to think, I only wanted to find that Amazonian…

Out of the mist, and into FuNx’s face is a ball of darkness. Immediately, FuNx feels his face singe…but not a fiery kind of singe. Dark. Malevelont. Like a shock running up and down the spine. FuNx gets the wind knocked out of him and topples to the ground.

Puppet- FOR. NANAAAAA!

FuNx doesn’t know how, but with one fling of his spear Puppet impales a Lich from the shadows on his golden spear, letting it shriek to death…wait, shriek?

With the wind he has left in his lungs, FuNx anchors himself on the ground with his shoulder, and screams at the top of his lungs…

FuNx- NO! PUPPET! SMASH ITS HEAD! SMASH ITS HEAD! SMASH ITS-

A horrid screech emanates from all directions, deafening all FuNx tried to say to puppet. Out of nowhere, walking corpses, skeletons, undead marauders on horseback, and tens and tens of ghouls charged at both Puppet and FuNx from the shadows and mist. An undead corpse and horse, flesh melding off their dead bodies, charges at FuNx, and tramples him back to his feeble ground position. By looking at the creature, FuNx learns that it was recently transformed, which, while being pelted senseless by am array skeletal arms, clubs, and hoofs, brings his attention to the Lich.

This lich is not a normal lich. Its robe a deep purple, and staff adorned with rubies and emeralds, the distinguishing mark of it lies on its head. Protruding from its semi-live head is horns. Black horns. As dark as midnight. This is the mark of only one Demonian. FuNx, feeling something gnawing on his forehead, recognizes the Necromancer as Thunder Wank, powerful leader of all things undead. But what is he doing here?

The last vision FuNx sees is Puppet, fending off a whole army of Undead all by himself, the Lich cackling in Madness way back the army, controlling them with his ancient wand. FuNx, feeling intense pain all over his body, hears a buzzing in his ears…which sounds like Puppet…

Puppet- FUNX! FUNX! QWOP THE DREAM! QWOP THE DREAM!

Puppet- BACK SPAWNS OF DEMONICA! BACK!

Giving his all, but ultimately failing, the sheer mass of the force attacking Puppet topples him to the ground. The sentinel has fallen.

FuNx fades from consciousness, hearing only the words…”I’m gonna take you out tonight…I’m gonna make you fell alright…”

The question lies, what Happened to FuNx? Did he die? Did he live? Who on earth is the necromancer? What happened to puppet? What happened to the Amazonian FuNx encountered? What happened to Ray? What the HECK does Puppet mean by Qwoping? WILL FUNX’S FRO SURVIVE THE ONSLAUGHT OF THIS MADNESS???

Probably. I mean, hey, it’s all powerful. Duh DUR.

END OF ACT 1.


Oh Harro again everyone! Alucardon here. Sorry it took awhile to give you guys a new portion of the story, its just that I was away, cause it was nice and hot...and BOY did I need a vacation.

BUT! I give you here a little taste of what to expect from me in the upcoming future. If I do say so myself, there's a whole new horizon to explore for the Adventures of Nana. Now, I give you...


The Adventures of Nana!

(A portion from the Asche Chronicles...)


As Tube leaps into the ring, he is met by a ghostly figure, in midnight blue robes. The crowd goes silent...

This figure, what with its elegant stride, seems to ooze fear from its lower others. A black hood covers all facial features, along with the midnight blue robes that cover most of his flesh, except his hands and feet. The visible skin this being displays is pitch black, almost as though it was thrusted into a bed of charcoal for hours. Barefoot, and with two dark blue steel katanas in each hand, it meets Tube at the halfway point of the arena.

???- Hehehehehe...HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH! Tube- What are you laughing of, knave! I challenge you to a duel for freedom and you laugh in my face?

With a dark, deep voice the blue clad ninja answers

???- What, you don’t remember me?

Tube- The only enemies I’ve faced have their blood baked into the ground before they could utter a single curse!

???- You don’t remember the fire? The way your mother’s blonde hair burned black in the blaze? The ragged flesh you found after the fire, and the burnt corpse of your sister? Do your remember? DO YOU? I sure did, your mother tasted quite well burnt to a crisp! HEHEHE...AHAHAAHAHAHA!

Tube- Bastard! YOU started the fire! YOU SHALL DIE!

With a battle cry, Tube draws his Obsidian Axe and starts to run towards the masked assailant. However, he is stopped midway by a huge shock wave. The crowd Ooohs in pain as Tube’s body crumples to the floor.

However, in a stunning show of ferocity, Tube stands with blood running down his nose.

Tube- It’ll take more than that to stop Three Inches of Blood! And a cynical grin. The Three Inches of Blood portion of the crowd goes up in hurrahs and whoo hoos over its leader.

High up from the arena Asche’s voice booms from his arena throne. The crowd again goes silent.

Asche- MUST I remind you that I am in charge of this whole fiasco? I will decide who fights when, because I own both of you, as of this moment, of course. Now, fighters are you ready?

???- Ready to Die, whelp?

Tube- THIS SHALL BE FOR MY VILLAGE!

As the two advance upon each other, Round One Begins.

Meanwhile...

High up in the prison portion of the arena, Jodi, FuNx, Egg, and Puppet overlook the fight for freedom being fought between the masked assailant and Tube between their locked cell. Two kitty guards are overlooking the group.

Kicking the quite foul smelling toilet in the back of the room, Jodi exclaims with a vengence...

Jodi- I ESCAPE HIS GRIMY HANDS AND HE GETS ME BACK. I’m SICK of this cat and mouse play, I WANT TO FIGHT!

Before Jodi breaks the poor bathroom necessity, Egg manages to grab Jodi in his arms before furthur eruptions of gunk flood the cell.

'Egg- Now child, you’ll only wear yourself out kicking things around two and fro.''' (Addressing the group''''')''' We must put our minds together and figure a way out of this.

Puppet- And I really have to use the bathroom. Like, HNNNNN- NAO.

Rising from his place on the top bunk of one of the two beds, FuNx stretches out his arms and proclaims.

FuNx- I would worry more about Tube’s safety. He’s on a one on one deathmatch against the most powerful ninja in Nana’s existence. By proper notification his name is Backflipz, Shadow Eye rank three, ruler of Naruto N00BZ. Just call him Flipz though, if you ever get to face him without getting your head chopped off.

Now calmed down, Jodi sighs and exclaims.

Jodi- We can’t let Tube die for our freedom than! Asche destroyed countless lives, including mine, and with all the power I have in my blue ink pens and crescent saber, I will stop him from taking others!

Egg- Brave Words.

FuNx- Indeed.

Releasing his clenched grasp from his abused bowels, Puppet utters a strained explanation.

Puppet- WAIT!

Rising from his chair in the corner, Puppet soon realizes doing so would be a danger to the humanity in the cell room, plus one purple dinosaur. Promptly, he sits back down again, and continues his conversation.

Puppet- Oh gawd...*groan* as I was saying, I took a course in cat speak while at Biscuit Academy. I got an idea what to do...

The foursome surrounds Puppet, hearing what he has to say...

Meanwhile +2...

After a good twenty minutes, Both Flipz and Tube are at a stalemate in their combating skill. What with Flipz’s razor sharp katanas, and Tube’s amazing arsenal of weaponry he manages to store in random places scattered about his body, minus his crotch, the two seem evenly matched in power. It seems this competition has come to a test of Endurance.

Tube- FOUL DAEMON, HOW could you have survived this long against my attacks!? I SHALL FINISH YOU NOW!

Drawing a mace, Tube spins and hurtles his blunt weapon with perfect aim right at Flipz’s hooded skull.

The crowd Ooohs in dismay as the mace makes direct contact with Flipz’s un-defended body. With a sickening Crack, Flipz’s body limps to the flow, his head turned completely backwards. The mace makes a nice dent in the surrounding arena foundations.

Tube- HEH HAH! No one face against YoutubeFan the Amazingly skilled and Magnificent and lives to tell the tale! AM I RIGHT LADIES!?

Blowing a kiss to his group’s femme fatale members, the non-female cat portion of the arena swoons, minus Celeste, who looks upon Tube in a caclulating manner...

Celeste- He’s a ninja, he must be pulling a trick...

Unknown to Tube, the Backflipz he thought he nailed in the head was a decoy, and soon transformed into a bruised tree stump.

Appearing behind Tube in a barely visable shadow, Backflipz begins to rise to finish him with a final blow!

Celeste- *Gasp* TUBE! LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!

Backflipz- Ninja Style, FINISHER! A THOUSAND YEARS OF PAIN!!!

Turning, Tube manages to avoid the blunt of the blow that was reserved for his exposed neck, the only unarmed portion of his armored self. However, the blade does manage to pierce the back of his plate body, stabbing him right through the chest.

Lifting Tube above his hooded face, Backflipz impales Tube right down to his katana handle.

Tube- GWOR...

Flipz- MUWAHAHAHA...BAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!

With a mighty flourish, Flipz discards Tube right near the foundation that was damaged previously by Tube’s mace. The arena wall, and Tube’s back, crunch in agony.

Tube is out cold, or maybe dead...is this the end of Tube? Flipz advances towards him gracefully, grinning and laughing maniacally, as he checks his prey’s status...

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