- Persians: "The thousand nations of the Persian Empire descend upon you! Our arrows will blot out the sun!"
- Greed: "Then we will troll you."
Amongst the Kongregate Chat rooms, Greed stood out as a mixed bag. Greed was not a place to be entered without caution. Many a passerby attempted to insert themselves into the room with no respect for others, and were later found sobbing in the corner with bullseyes drawn in feces on their foreheads. The Greedlings followed not the rules of konduct established by Kongregate, but their own. The number of rules were unknown, despite what this wiki may imply, and were subject to change. As such, Greed quickly became known as the Modless Zone, a fact that many rogue mods tried (and failed) to remedy during its most active years.
Special Note: As of September 2010, Greed has been declared the "worst room on Kongregate."
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If you think you should be in the regular list, speak to a regular and we will look into it.
- A.K.A "The Meat Shield" When Greed is facing the threat of an onslaught, he will always speak up and deliver a kick to the genitals of authority. Known as the God of Sex by almost everyone in Greed, he makes sure no one forgets. For what reason we don't know. Currently a Dog of the U.S. Military, and disgusting FPS fanboy.
- "There ain't no bell in Greed. It rang long ago, and the match never ends."
- Disgustingly smart dude who never struggles in life. Can be pretty funny, and usually worth talking to, if you can get him to respond. Tread lightly, as he may crush your head with his thighs... OF STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!
- Long-time Kongregate staff member. First started hanging out in Greed as Community Manager when she was called in to deal with the many, many mod complaints. She essentially responded to the moderators' grievances by saying "Why are you bothering these people?" and sending them away, which quickly endeared her to the regulars. SirShakes went out of his way to drag her out of her previous chatroom and into Greed whenever possible, and she soon found herself actually kind of liking the slimy bastards. Though she had some responsibility to keep the chat more PG-13 in the beginning, Alison is an all-around cool dude, and one of the kindest people you'll meet. Loves baseball, board games, and telling people how awesome she is at her job. And health insurance.
- Amberlei was picked to be a mod at the same as ringkichard, but has since disappeared. She claimed she was going to Texas to study whatever passes for plants in Texas, and we all know computers don't exist there. She is even more of a moral-centered user than ringkichard, but tended to be far less forceful of a babysitter. Mod or not, she knew right from wrong, and was a Greedling through and through. After a failed occupation from rogue mode Rothycat, Amber caught a thread in the private mod forums where Rothy was literally crying because of how horribly she was treated after banning multiple regulars in Greed. Naturally, Amber decided to take screenshots and share a laugh with everyone on the hush-hush, further proving that she is an actual coolguy.
- Amberlei: and his testicles were like right in my face. I can tell you they were hanging free as can be.
- Second of the Canada Crew, brother to Joesixpack. Is very likely a homosexual, though he has yet to admit it. Tries a little too hard sometimes, but we love him anyway.
- aol doesn't talk much, but when he does he always has something interesting to bring to the table. Not necessarily the best at fueling conversations, but can certainly start one. aol was mostly audience, but someone thought he was cool enough to get on here, so here he'll stay.
- The man with a million stories, a voice like chocolate-dipped silk, and a moderate drinking problem. Maybe the last of the Old Man Society to come to prominence, Boom could perhaps be a candidate for Most Interesting Man in Canada if only Canadians' votes actually mattered. He's one of the most positive, encouraging people on the internet, and can make most any conversation interesting. Boom was one of Greed's most loyal followers in her waning years, and one of the most dejected by her passing. He's a good man, and he did right by Greed.
- boombayadda: Doug, you would fuck me. It'd be... Your body would be my wonderland.
- An ex-mod from Germany, who for some time was a common sight in Greed, the first mod to stick around. He is relatively relaxed, and has an adequate enough sense of humor to get along with the Greed regulars. He has a checkered past when it comes to trolling, raids, and general hell-raising, but the killjoy in him died with the Mod badge, so the past should be left in the past.
- Has outgrown Greed and "walked away" in its final hours. It's probably just the Asperger's talking, but either way, his temper tantrums should be ignored.
- A Greed late-night veteran, DeadLucky was amongst the First, though his early days were denoted by white-knighting in an attempt to seduce teenage girls. It's been said (mostly by himself) that he made better comments while drunk than most people could sober. He has stopped trolling, but occasionally threatens to come out of retirement, shortly before realizing he's a grown-ass man. He also claimed he was never an alcoholic, as he didn't go to meetings.
- He will tell you he's been on Greed since before Al Gore invented the internet, but that doesn't seem all that plausible. Part of the Old Man Society, Squigs is in his 30s and somewhat-happily married. He's been known to flame even himself in the hopes of getting a laugh, and can be heard saying, "Really? When did that happen?" when something happens in Greed. It's probably the Alzheimer's.
Hexed is the man that you would expect to see wearing his underpants on his head in the park one day, screaming at the birds; sitting in a Borders sipping smuggled Kahlua and coffee while holding forth on Faust the next day; yet on a third day seducing your wife in a Ferarri Enzo that he probably stole from a valet parking lot. Has the newest model of customizable Jesus.Long, long gone. Funny entry, though.
- Disappeared without a trace yet again. Has been known to start things and never finish them. Has hilarious hair, but never made much of an effort, which led to few people taking notice.
- The first of the Canadian Crew to participate in the room. Solid writer, mediocre storyteller, and mild autist. He cycles between being hilarious and being a buzzkill, depending on his mood, but lately has just been non-existant.
- Secretary of Awesome. Sports a wide range of awesome and a razor sharp wit. One of the strongest weapons Greed has against "Bad Mods."
- "If you weren't so black, I wouldn't be so racist."
- Lou tends to make people uncomfortable. He drinks himself stupid, doesn't like to bathe, makes a living being unemployed, and is heavily involved in BDSM. That being said, he's a nice guy, stands up to the rabble, and has zero capacity for drama. He also hasn't been seen in a while, so he might have Carradined himself after hearing of Greed's passing.
- Fap-happy Pappy. He loves you, whether you want him to or not. Try to fight it all you want, but it will happen. He will find you, and he will love you. Carries on the name saiyan13k4c in memoriam.
- "I like hairy babies"
- ringkichard was a stickler for morality in disguise as an intellectual tough guy. One of the first members of the Old Man Society to stick around, he's accumulated all sorts of useless wisdom over the years. He used to be one of the best defenses against abusive mods, using logical argument and reason. He's still a pretty cool guy, however, and was awarded the honor of Room Owner of Greed. He lost his modship after an epic battle of wits with SirShakes, but remained its Room Owner for some time after. His favorite things in the world are board games and lye-soaked fish.
- ringkichard: Greed has standards. We may be bully bastards with hearts of malice and claws of ice, but at least we're not ****ing Nazis.
- The dubious and proud, strong beating heart of Greed and it's Chaotic-Good moral centre. A master of the nearly untrue paraphrase, Shakes is weirdly both the funeral director Greed needed and the one it deserved. Some say Shakes is a muppet but evidence suggests he is a Go-Bot, a weak rip-off of a transformer. When Shakes transforms he becomes a small barn and is entirely useless. Having once raised an army of mutant clones by photocopying a photocopy, Shakes settled down to a quiet hibernation of nagging other people to be creative in his stead. Not a cat, but currently a grown ass man, and a good one. He'll be fine, don't fuck with him.
- SirShakes: oh god
- SirShakes: what have I said in the past
- Bulimic transvestite that lives with his mother, and Greed's designated doordeity. I want to have sex with him, but sex with edibles belongs in Gluttony.
- Spaghedeity: *draws a dick on his dick*
- The apathetic, pansexual office dog that everyone loves to kick for some reason. He's done a lot of growing up since coming to Greed, going from adorable white knight to bitch-boy stoner, with some water polo in between. (Seriously. I guess it's a real sport for the really white people) He was happy to hang out in the background most days, but he and boombayadda made sure Greed stayed Greed in the quiet times.
- statusisnotquo: your mom couldn't meme herself out of a plastic bag
- The Beast of Morchasimo, he has 16 penises and is known to give up on his dreams. Stole another man's wife like the pirate that he is, and once slew an entire Wasp civilization with his bear hands.
- TheBlackVeil: Dude.
- TheBlackVeil: Poop harder.
- The Ultimate Lurker. Nobody even knew he existed for two years, then Shakes demanded he start talking. Last of the Canada Crew, but by far the most interesting, despite being an unabashed nerd and shit-collector.
- Simply put, he is a jerk, and quite possibly a sociopath. So clearly he is one of the most important people in Greed, despite behaving a bit like a drunken absentee father figure that stumbles back in the front door every month or two to slap your mother around and promise to take you to Disneyworld. Found a tumor in his chest shortly before Greed's closing was announced, allowing the regulars to get the pruning extended for nearly two weeks until he got out of the hospital. This only cemented the idea that Wargazm is a fallen God, and we are puppets for his amusement.
- Wargazm: You ever found a brown marshmallow in your cereal?
- SirShakes: ... No
- Sirshakes: Did you wash your hands after you pooped?
- Wargazm: ...well what else could it b- OH GOD!
- Wargazm: I live in an apartment with this girl I am nolonger dating, and Its very expensive.
- SirShakes: That sounds awkward
- Wargazm: It would be for most, but I just shrug it off and do what I'd normally do if I was living with my mom or something.
- Wargazm: ...Which is pretty much the same thing, except not having sex with her.
- SirShakes: Wait. What?
- SirShakes: Which one are you not having sex with?
- Wargazm: ... I think I said that the wrong way.
- Wargazm: The girl dude.
- SirShakes: ...
- SirShakes: So
- SirShakes: You're boning your mom?
- Wargazm: ...
- SirShakes: ...
"Mod is dead" - Friedrich Nietzsche
Greed has a reputation of being THE harsh, unforgiving chat environment where Mods go to die. The souls of the dammed and de-modded wander Kongregate for an eternity, but their lost "M"s remain buried in Greed as a mark of their failures.
The following chat moderators have been demoted due to actions in Greed:
The following chat moderator became demoralized, had a mental breakdown and cried as a result of trying to tame Greed:
Here are some general, common knowledge, rules of Greed.
- Do not lay claim to title or rank. If you're a reg, people will know, and award you riches in a spontaneous display of emotion.
- If you make a big deal of your gender, expect that an even bigger deal will be made of it. This is not likely to be pleasant.
- Anyone with "Naruto," "666" or "Cool" (Including "Kewl") in their name is marked for humiliation. You don't want to be treated like a child? Don't act like a child.
- Using "your" rather than "you're" as a contraction of "you are" (And vice versa) will subject you to massive unending scorn. Learn some grammar.
- If you expect to be instantly accepted, go to Feed the Ducks.
- We don't want you here.
- Deal with it.
- Pics or it didn't happen.
How To Avoid the BanhammerEdit
Getting silenced is unpleasant and avoidable. Getting banned is doubly so. While ideally, Kongregate's overall principle of "Don't be a jerk" would be the final word on the matter, as you can see from the above sections, things in Greed don't always go that way. Too many people act up, act out, or otherwise act with the intent to troll. With that in mind, do consider the following:
- Don't feed the trolls. While responding to the bullies and the angry children isn't going to get you silenced on its own, they'll do their best to drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. This usually makes people angry, which weakens their judgment, which causes them to do stupid things, which gets them punished. Cut the cycle off at the head:
just mute them.argue with them until you can prove that you are more intelligent and witty.
- Trust should be earned. The people whispering you suggestions on how to act out are
notyour friends, they're trying to get you bannedteach you secrets about Kongregate. The people telling you how to cheat at games are notyour friends, they're trying to get you bannedonly trying to help. The people who tell you about the cool uses of ctrl+w and alt+f4 are notalways your friends, they're trying to trick yougive you 1337H4X. Don't be so credulousuptight. Rules are for nerds, not pimpmaster 5000s like us who have REAL girlfriends named Jessica or Candy or something else slutty like that.
- Don't post naughty links. It'll just get you banned without warning, unless you are DeadLucky, who has managed to argue his way out of it a number of times now. It's true, Rick's weak and effeminate.
- Listen to the warnings you get. Mods give *lots* of warnings. Too many warnings. Greed Mods are trying to
be lenient, trying to be nicereprogram us to be the second Feed the Ducks, and for almost every sort of evil behavior you might exhibit, there's likely to be a warning. If you heed the warning, you'll avoid the hammer.being respected by the majority of Greed's regular userstrolls. Wait, whose side are you on?