Game Theorists is a chatroom currently owned by nobody. It is known for its elitist discussion, finely manicured lawn, and lifetime supply of prune juice. MrSpontaneous officially stepped down as the room owner on 5/18/2009.
HistoryEditGame Theorists was founded in 1948 as a secretive offshoot of the RAND Corporation. Working closely with such luminaries as John Forbes Nash, Reinhard Selten and John Harsanyi, the room's denizens pioneered the concept of the Extensive-form game. This idea had a broad spectrum of potential uses across the fields of biology, computer science, national defence, and even philosophy; however, upon closer examination they found it to be best suited for effectively playing flash games.Unfortunately, flash games had not yet been invented in 1950s America, and the theorists were forced to wait for over fifty years before their idea could ever see its full potential. Emerging from cryogenic stasis into a world where the ICBMs had never been fired, women no longer had hair that defied the laws of physics and fashion simultaneously, John Forbes Nash was remembered as little more than an above-average Russell Crowe character, and (for better or worse) Kongregate had been invented, the men and women of Game Theorists decided to do what they had been preparing for over half a century to do: play some flash games. your mom
This section is subject to much flux, as GT's rules are as mercurial as... well, mercury.
- Use correct grammar, spelling and punctuation. For example: i no rite will get you mocked relentlessly, while I know, right? is usually tolerated. And no emoticons, ratings. Use your words like a big boy and/or girl.
- NO E-DATING. This isn't Kongredate. We don't want you and your e-significant other talking all mushy-like in the chat (especially considering the fact that you're both probably 40 year-old-men). We also don't care for the drama that comes with the inevitable breakup.
- Leave your rivalries at the door. We welcome refugees from other rooms with open arms, as long as they are willing to adhere to the rules of Kongregate and Game Theorists. Please do not come into our room and spew hatred at others, even if there is a history between you and the other person.
Author's note: I've never set foot in Game Theorists, so all descriptions are either for comic effect or working off of descriptions given to me. If you feel in any way offended, please don't hunt me down to Road Scholars and threaten to kill me. Hunt Rivenstaff down to Road Scholars and threaten to kill him. PurpleAlexWhoseNameIsNotLongEnoughForTheUsernameRegistrationField 02:52, 18 January 2009 (UTC)
First, a word about Grumpy Old Men, or GOM for short. Aside from being a slightly overplayed BBC series, this is also the name of a sub-group within Game Theorists comprised of the more mature/more elitist regulars. It is particularly aptly named, given that not all of its members are grumpy, not all are old, and not all are men. I suppose it made for a better name than 'The Variables'. GOM is something between a subgroup and a splinter cell, and could be regarded as the 'militant wing' of GT. Members can recognize each other either by following a hooded figure on an exhausting chase through the light-starved streets and alleys of Paris following a secret meeting in the Catacombs where the new plan to conquer the world is set out, or by reading the 'GOM' in brackets I've put in each of their biographies.
(GOM) A shining beacon of all that is right and good in the world, not least for seeing the wisdom in asking me to write this entry. Nepotism aside, a newly be-modded Texan rapidly discovering the joys of not being able to mute people who annoy him. Admiral of the Fleet and Captain of the GOM Revanche.
The lone voice of reason, fighting a losing battle between the devil of the regulars and the deep blue sea of the trolls. Despite this, somehow manages to out-class the rest of the room's population put together. Universally loved citation needed.
I don't know him, I've never heard anything about him, but his name is on the room, so he gets an entry. To gauge his popularity, I'm going to start a rumour here that he eats cats. Live. And then see how long it is before it gets edited out. Meoooowwwwww.
As of Sunday the 18th, he stepped down as owner of the room and ownership was transferred to MrSpontaneous.
KispusEditA Danish goth girl. Loves puppies, toying with Joant, teddy bears, horses and thwarting stereotypes.
(GOM) A scarily intelligent regular. Luckily, he uses his powers for good instead of evil. As far as we can tell. Structures his arguments beautifully, and utterly without mercy for stupidity or laziness. A man after my own heart. Commissar of the GOM Revanche.
A fairly new mod, and made of 99% pure awesome (1% additives and preservatives). There is absolutely no conflict of interest here whatsoever. Fnord.
(GOM) One of the elder regulars. A grizzled veteran of Game Theorists. Just don't ask him about the war. His eyes will glaze over, and before you can say 'I love the smell of napalm in the morning' he'll be running amok in his local shopping centre, gutting shoppers with a 12-inch hunting knife while screaming about Charlie being under the wire. You weren't there, man. You weren't there.Officer on Watch GOM Revenche
(GOM) Well, he couldn't be very spontaneous if he had a biography, could he? You'd know what to expect.
(GOM) A regular whom no-one seems to have told about the demise of the hippie movement. He's like that cool uncle that always tries to keep the peace at family gatherings and sneaks you a beer at the same time. Commander OldManNiko is the Judge Advocate General of the GOM Revanche.
Pervert. Boozehound. Jester. Surrealist. Troll-baiter. 18th-century French philosopher. Joant is all of these things but one. Can you find the odd one out? Cultural Liaison of the GOM Revanche.
An idiot that hangs out with joant. No really. Likes to play games. And going to LP.
The eldest member of GT. Her favorite pastimes are: hunting Republicans, emasculating Kongai feebs, and radical Bris.
Another veteran Theorist. At time of going to press, level 36 and with more impossible badges than Jesus would have if he had a Kongregate account. He is a father, and behaves like the dad of GT. Master Sargent of the GOM Revanche.
He's either our internet mother, or a vaguely inappropriate affection troll serving as an understudy to Joant. If he's our mother, he's the kind of mom with a martyr complex who's always asking what she did to deserve this. And really, what did he do to deserve us?
Really? Thankfully not.
Bluemauve is best described as a rolling dervish of razor wit. More akin to a tweeking flamingo than the swan of fairy tales, she nevertheless graces Game Theorists chat with a unique style of verbal aikido. Currently being called 'Winnie' for no particular reason.
Amor de CosmosEdit
(GOM) Mental note: write something here that references beer, hockey, my immense knowledge of useless trivia, my music collection, my third nipple, and possibly an obscure 19th-century provincial politician. Chief Amordecosmos is the Navigator of the GOM Revanche.
Scottah ish the reshident ginger and shkirted sheep lover. Vershed in all thingsh Scottish, exshept actually being Scottish. Many yearsh ago when 'e wash jusht a young laddie, hish loinsh were conshumed by the foul Hydra beasht. Willy-lesh and born without a shoul, he'sh a perfectly Grumpy Old Shit. Commander AngryScotsman ish the Mashter Logician of the GOM Revanche.
A frequent guest of the state of Nevada for all manner of crimes against humanity, SD has been convicted of involuntary manslaughter five times for poisoning guests of casinos and stealing their pension funds. Or maybe it was for public urination, we can't remember. Either way, his bitterness, bile and intolerance earned him a host of friends in record time. Do you grok? Lieutenant Design is the AgitProp Officer of the GOM Revanche
Geokis32, having caught the eye of the GOM with a teflon coated wit akin to coating a stiletto in vaseline, and an inability to be ruffled (consequently, her mating cry of "RUFFLE ME YOU ANDROGYNOUS MEATPUPPET" send those of questionable sexuality running to bury their heads in the bosoms of their mothers.) is also known as Tripple-Nipple, or D-B-DD. Known to raze and salt the troll fields with wicked glee, she is known to laugh maniacally when her victims are crying. Current Flight leader for the Stiletto Wing aboard the GOM Revanche
Often found needlessly swilling copious amounts of vodka while pretending she has to share with a mysterious stranger (You are alone, and that imaginary friend doesn't count) while inserting snide... Err... Comments on golf clapping while too drunk to follow through with jokes... A true addition to the mob, rusty but with the proper polishing possibly a gem in the rough. Drunk, in bed alone and dreaming of Carrot Top is no way yo go through life, Dear... Acting Chaplain for the GOM Revanche
The first attempt at a true AI, l0lly was declared a total failure when it was discovered that the only things this sentient program was interested in learning and adapting to were flash games, alcohol, misanthropy and boobs. Obvious to see why l0lly ended up here... Currently Master Petty Chief of the GOM Revanche.
Although not seen in GT as often as the other miscreants, Fiuros is generally reviled for indulging in the worst vice known to man, referred to in hushed voices as 'World of Warcraft'. Despite this neigh unforgivable sin, Fiuros manages to survive day to day by dint of snarkiness and get-off-my-lawn attitude that earns him a place in all our withered hearts. Oh yes, and the frequent boob references help too. Currently Chief Mechanic of the GOM Revanche
An enigma inside a riddle, wrapped in bacon. Ros is the newest addition, long overdue, to be added to the annals of GT. Every word out of his mouth is sarcastic, his answer to every question designed to try to leave the group feeling as uneasy as possible for his own enjoyment and at the expense of all... Often sighted crushing the small minded beneath the thumb of sarcasm or roasting trolls like ants with the magnifying glass of his acerbic wit. Currently Master of Ordinance for the GOM Revanche.
A failed test tube experiment involving filling the capsule with alcohol and LSD, Pinske was born with a tendency towards spitting in children's faces and forgetting his pants when crossing the street. With a the subtlety of a sledge hammer, he makes sure his targets know exactly how he feels. His bile was finally recognized after a long wait, more than likely because of a thanksgiving dinner that made the crew prone to sleeping for 6 months at a time. Currently Master of Arms of the GOM Revanche.
A creature of unknown origin encountered on planet AEB4927-5, a remarkable talent for computation was considered desirable enough to warrant capture and domestication. However, an unhealthy obsession with being held within a ball for long periods of time, and repetetive verbal tics, required lobotomization to ensure harmonious service aboard the Revanche. Currently networked with the ship's cogitators; cleaning out its sawdust is considered a weekly highlight for lucky ratings.
Prowls the streets at night in a red sequined cocktail dress and stiletto heels. His bobbed wig setting off the sparkle in his eyes as he hunts for his next mark. Responds to the name "Jenny" with panic in his eyes akin to a deer in headlights on the autobahn, especially fitting for the train-wreck he embodies while in drag.
The GOM RevancheEdit
Commissioned on 01.01.09 as part of a comprehensive program to clear the GT sector of unwanted traffic, the GOM Revanche has seen more than its fair share of action. This is probably because it's the only ship in the sector, and its crew seem to be the only ones aware that there is a 'sector' that needs 'patrolling.' Not that they let this discourage them. It just makes for an awkward shore leave. Despite this, the Revanche has attracted the best and brightest of those delusional enough to think they're setting foot on a spacecraft, filled with either plasma or kinetic weapon batteries (we're debating which is better), and a giant weapon strapped to the front called The Hammer.
The Revanche secured its place of honor in the annals of history with this official looking heraldic shield, symbolizing truth (azure), the warrior within (gules), and consistency and grief for our foes (sable); these are set on a field of modified bendy sinister (their name not ours, though it's apropos).The four qualities embraced by this regal heraldic device are: spelling and grammar, unbridled hatred for the lazy, intelligence and iniative, and the creative use of duct tape in all our daily endeavors. The five chevrons represent the captain, officers, crew, ratings and other personnel that make the Revanche the marvel it is. If the last chevron looks like it's lagging behind, it's because we tried to get rid of them but were forced to let them aboard because of treaties we're supposed to be recognizing. The sideways equal sign will not be explained as it is a mystery akin to the trefoil rose. If you ask about it expect a quick demand to get off the lawn and do your own damn research.
Armament of the RevancheEdit
Much of the Revanche's weapons remain classified (for instance, whether it has plasma or kinetic weapon batteries), but recent demands by the HRO about safety on the Revanche's flight deck after the mysterious triple decapitation following the Christmas party have revealed some information about the Revanche's assault craft contingent. The Revanche maintains three wings of assault craft, each wing twenty strong, with an unknown number of replacement craft on board.
Flight leader currently unassigned. Scimitar wing leads the Revanches CAP and engages other fighters and incoming ballistic weapons. Customized with flechette launchers, advanced targeting systems, and (completely safe, I swear) overcharged engines. Painted GrimDark Black.
Flight leader currently unassigned. Claymore wing is made up of primarily heavy bombers and missiles ships, relying on Scimitar wing for escorts. Customized with XXL rockets, anti-gravity repulser shields, and meat shields. Red paint job with racing stripes.
Flight leader currently is Geokis32. Stiletto wing boasts the Revanche's best and most decorated pilots, and is tasked with covert attacks against sensitive targets. Their ships remain classified information. But they are the only thing on the ship with enough dakka.
Ranking Officers of the RevancheEdit
Filled by the Hon. Admiral Rivenstaff, the captain is responsible for carrying out the mission of the GOM Revanche, delegating the day to day operations of the ship to his officers.
Officer of the WatchEdit
Filled by Lt. Monk, the officer of the watch is responsible for ensuring officers and enlisted alike discharge their duty effectively and with vigor. The officer of the watch is also empowered to assign rehabilitative shifts to those whose work is found wanting.
Master Chief Petty OfficerEdit
Currently Master Chief l0lly, the master chief maintains morale and readiness among the crew. Replacement found once realising that A.I.s were better for delivering morale.
Filled by Commisar Prozac, the commissar answers to the higher power of preserving the beliefs and values of the mission, and brings swift justice to any who stray.
Filled by Warrant Officer Joant, the Cultural Liaison is responsible for initiating and translating all contact with unknown entities, or as the Commissar puts it, 'Keeping them talking long enough for the Master Sergeant to get a firing solution.' WO Joant's fluency in n00b, 733+, text and net speak makes him uniquely qualified for the job.
Filled by Chief amordecosmos, the navigator guides the Revanche through the treacherous space of the Kong sector. Your life is in the captain's hands, but it depends on the navigator's fingers. Some people think of the navigator as one of those creepy, drug-addicted, blue-eyed guildsmen from Dune. Some don't.
Filled by Reverend GraceOfLarkSpur, the chaplain of the Revanche sees to the spiritual well being of the crew, which given the great variety (or total lack of) spiritual belief, is a task that requires frequent trips to the Ship Surgeon for dried frog pills.
Filled by Lord Xanderos himself, the master sergeant is responsible for the readiness of the weapon crews that man the Revanche's various batteries.
Master of OrdinanceEdit
Filled by Rosauv, the master of ordinance is responsible for the readiness and maintenance of the Revanche's weapon batteries.
Master of the DeckEdit
Filled by Lieutenant Design, the master of the deck is responsible for the readiness and maintenance of the Revanche's assault craft, including fighters, bombers, and the captain's yacht. And yes, the escape pods DO need missile racks. Recently moved due to a poisoning of SirBiscuit while visiting a casino, pension still pending.
Chief Mechanic Edit
Current filled by Fiuros. In charge of all maintenance and repairs of the Revanche and managing all large-scale undertakings. He will not be paid for this.
Master of ArmsEdit
Currently Pinske, the master of arms is responsible for the Revanche's marine cohort, as well as their arms and armor.
Filled by Commander AngryScotsman, the Master Logician is the head of the Revanche's engineers and the maintenance of the ships critical systems. Main duties include keepin' 'er from sinkin', and cursin' like a sailor when things go wrong.
Commander of the Air GroupEdit
The CAG position is currently filled by Commander Anticipatient, as it is an extremely sexy position, and thus highly demanding (refer to Kama Sutra p661). The CAG is responsible for the conduct of all pilots.
Filled by Dr. Generic, the ship surgeon maintains sick bay, the nursebots, and occasionally helps patients.
Judge Advocate GeneralEdit
Filled by Commander OldManNiko, the chief legal officer of the Revanche, in charge of disputes amongst the crew and court martials.
Filled by Lieutenant Design, the AgitProp Officer is tasked with promoting proper values, beliefs and behavior among the crew, so that their might all exemplify the best of the fleet.
The lowest rank possible, ratings make up the bulk of the Revanche's crew, and do all the nastiest, hardest, most dangerous duties on the ship. They are expendable, easily replaced, but nonetheless vital to the functioning of the ship.
Current Ratings: Everyone who is not an officer.
In short, Cannon Fodder are individuals that, in the unlikely event of the deflector shields losing power, we jettison these members to deflect as many attacks as possible. These brave individuals give their lives to protect those with meaning, and do so with a smile on their face, accredited to botox.
Other Personnel On BoardEdit
Human Rights ObserverEdit
The Revanche's current HRO is Rakelnahe, whose duties include being denied access to crew quarters due to maintenance, being denied access to the holds due to maintenance, being denied access to the engine room due to a lack of appropriately sized radiation suits, and being denied access to her quarters due to maintenance.
The Revanche's current Science Advisor is Jookyone3. Mistakenly assigned to the Revanche, he has nothing to study in the sector and is thus relegated to observing everyone else go about their duties and avoiding any officers that might assign him further duties.