The Barrens Chat box art. Made by LazyDevil.
Barrens Chat is the Best chat in Kongregate history.
Welcome to Barrens Chat! We hope you have a nice stay and enjoy your cancer. Immature conversations on mature topics and epic trolling abound. Children and failtrolls need not apply.
Barrens Chat is from World of Warcraft because Greg loves it. We are home to a variety of people; Lots of trolls, lurkers, a few nice ones, and some we all love to hate. Outsiders are not welcomed. Ever.
Staff Credits
greg: Greg used to own the room and rarely speaks.
CommanderSaNtA: The Commander of Barrens and the local Santa. Our favorite mod. Is now room owner.
Ayrus: Likes toast. Is now room mod.
cerealnuggets: Awesome one of a kind guy. Will contact you through private message most of the time.
Cast of Characters
2fletchable: A newer reg.
Ayrus: Ayrus is Ayrus and nothing more. Also Asshat supreme.
BLEEDnow
CrustyCrabz: Not a SpongeBob referrence, but it is his favorite std.
Frenzy16: F16 for bod.
GlamorousPlayer7: Computer generated name, she's an overly sarcastic devil.
Gwenhwyfar: Knows more about metal than any of you. Don't bother arguing with her.
LazyDevil: An original Barrener. British, kills noobs.
Mabelle: tbauer's beard, lover of rum and nachos.
Mathyou12388: Has the best tits in Barrens. His name IRL is NOT Matthew.
metalguitar103: The beard is the law.
mongo: Resident voice over/narrator/impersonator of Barrens.
Outbreak911: A user of Barrens who plays bass and keeps leaving and coming back.
Piccolo_Junior: Does not like intercourse.
Red_Night_Baron: A Prussian lost in a time portal and creator of the Panzercookie.
Retardedmoose: Has hair made of bacon.
Stalcloud: Fluctuates between saccharine sweet and spectacularly shitty. Is a traitor to Barren kind
Suiseiseki: The best troll in all of Barrens. Perma'd, but he lives on through numorous Suis alts.
tbauer123: Barrens' knight, hates newfags, may or may not be an asshat. (Answer: yes)
WildWolfofDark: Does ascii art in chat. Super perverted. Says The Game constantly. Has a girlfriend, surprisingly... Y U NO RAPE BITCHES?!
wolfy
XxJuDaSxX: Also known as Sin. An orginal Barrener. Known to WildWolfofDark as Sinnigger.
Yokopoo/Kehbzy: .ll. *Siamese penis*
Non-reg Regs
11_toes: Really has 11 toes.
Aven13: Fatality'd IRL.
Azated: Australian. His babby was eaten by a dingo. "wat"
Barrywise: Stays busy with swimming and baseball. No stalkers please.
Bassium: Hunts badges once again.
brittjo87
bobbert4ever
Boometh: The prince of Barrens from the golden age. He recorded most of the Barrens history.
chewmungadunga: Barrens surprise tackle-rapist :D
cheesemanoflife: Loves cheese.
Chuck_N: Likes him some scene chicks. Unjustly perma'd.
cjcommando: An old 2007er.
CodehIsBeast
Crump12: Went into the Army.
cute22
dabestman
Dragonlarfer: A half dragon-half human user of Barrens Chat.
draupnir: I like my bacon as I like my women, 16 years old and British.
DTKSilhouette
evilpixie: RIP.
FirstBlood610: Resident ninja.
GallowsHumour: Likes lolicon, no, seriously, she said it herself.
iamtheholyone: The best debater in Barrens after Sin. She WILL make you look stupid.
ilytrisha: Loses The Game constantly.
jarjojo408
Jezuz: I think Jezuz is a pretty cool guy.
Joboman
JohnHenryEden: Self-aware ZAX AI President of the Enclave. Mentioned only; banished himself from Kong, for now.
Jujitsu788: Will kick your ass.
HGunner: A user of Barrens who started the Barrens Chat Special Armed Forces.
Karfolian: Probably has things to do IRL.
KristieMJM: Sweet Canadian girl who is always friendly to everyone.
KingKyd: Now he has a life, so he doesn't really show up anymore.
ktrout42
live4love: A noble of Barrens since the very start or something like that.
maladon
MindHacker: Original Barrener. Portrayed in many different ways, he defended Barrens from 4chan.
MnMz4L1F3: Doesn't give a shit.
pallyman: Does not mean "balls" in Italian
QueenofLands: First Queen of Barrens, but was really kind of a troller.
RaptorJawsus: Legendary troll of epic proportion but doesn't chat often.
ROBOTHACK3R: Perma'd.
Sheensghost: Majored in trollolology, and researched information on various trolls of Barrens.
supyo11
TheReign: Pie slap, nut shot, bitch slap. 'Nuff said.
THgirl
Tycholarfero: No longer.
versda: Strawberry blonde is just a myth.
vucadby: EPIC lurker.
XCrackinupX: This girl will put you in your place in a heartbeat.
xFreakx: Bodybuilder and part time troll.
Yoshifuzz
Exodus
On the First day, Greg said "Let there be Kongregate. And avast, there was Kong.
On the Second day, Greg said "Let there be games, that users might play to gain points and fame." And there were games.
On the Third day, Greg said "Let there be chatrooms, so users might converse and Kongregate together." And there were chatrooms.
On the Fourth day, Greg said, "Let there be forums, so users might post their art or thoughts to the community at large" And there was forums.
On the Fifth day, Greg said, "Let there be Moderators, to keep the sinners in line" And there was moderators.
On the Sixth day, Greg said, "Let there be Barrens Chat, the greatest of all realms, and here i will create my* people" And there was chat.
On the Seventh day, Greg slept in. But since the idea was incomplete, decided to invent jewgold kreds, a way of bleeding Kongregans of all they had, and in return, giving them a children's card game that isn't about Egypt.
The story that formed Barrens.
The Beginning
It all started one day on....uhh, I forgot. But uhm, after Greg invented Barrens Chat, people came to it. A few people stayed by, but others saw of it as nothing special. Maybe because all that anyone talked about was the mine glitch.
Some people became Barrens regulars. Mostly: KingKyd, Aven13, Nicklol, and Locomikey666. I observed most of the Barrensgoing. Actually really, I kinda just played "Nuclear Eagle" or something. Later in September, I made an account. I hung there. Somehow I became prince or something. Speaking of which,
Some other person who stayed a guest in Barrens forever made an account. Her name was "Queenoflands". So if I was a prince, doesn't that make me their "product"? I don't know. I really doubt it.
Anyway, that aside, Queeroflands eventually left Barrens. Something like that. After that, Aven13 decided he'd suicide. He will always be missed. Somehow that made Barrens get more people. I don't think it's because he died, though. But well, more people coming, that included trolls.
At the time, Barrens never knew that people actually ran on trolls. So we got pretty annoyed by them. With trolls, there were stronger trolls. The pwners.
The pwners were like, without a better way to put it, the enemy kingdom of Barrens Chat. It was ran by KingKyd's mortal nemesis, MindHacker. MindHacker never actually did smash into people's heads using an axe, but well, he kinda just..yeah. Now in 2010, he barely shows up here, but he's not a troll, so it's all good.
MindHacker kinda teared down the Kingdom though. Eventually, he managed to make the kingdom retarded. So retarded, they kicked KingKyd off the throne he was never on. Well really, KingKyd was self proclaimed. I mean, no one else wanted to rule The Land of The Mine Glitch. The community of Barrens, being stupid now, recruited dinner, an egg, for a leader. I guess the Barrens throne is what all true warriors strive for.
Eventually, we fried the egg. Kyd got back on the throne. I decided to find a better use for my time, and went around Kongregate in search for a tutor for the art of Spaghetti Sorcery, that of which I've benefited from.
The Dying
I had just arrived as the golden age died. (See above chapter) What I remember? Barrens was a desolate place, only those faithful in the god Greg and goddess Alison stayed as the Barrens withered and died. The room was continously bombarded with chatnukes to the point of multiple modcalls. Also, people would spam filter evasion and reply chatnukes with counter-chatnukes. Then, eventually chemotherapy of the chat. The trolls died out and the Barrens inhabitants began to repopulate chat.
~Jujitsu
The Villain
Around 2009, Barrens Chat still had trolls, and it always will. Now, we know that Barrens benefits from trolls, but at the time, we didn't know that. It was horrible. No, really, it was. The trolls died down, but that was only to grow and become harder, better, faster, stronger trolls.
Trolls started pouring in by some weird formations. I guess they really cared about the way they looked, and thus, our scouts told us they seemed to line up like this:
▲
▲▓
Trolls can't triforce
It just wouldn't end. Barrens has a relatively small defense team at the time (What was KingKyd thinking?!). We couldn't do much, but we did the best we could to push back the force that was the troll army.
Eventually, we came faced with the commander of the trolls himself, Marbles_312. He was too 1337 to be a troll, he was just a n00b. Barrens almost never got n00bs, we figured trolls couldn't get good enough training, and that n00bs were extinct. But no.
Well, he found a way to get around the army, under the cunning disguise that is Marbles_313. (Oh dear, that's so clever, how would anyone have such a gifted mind like that? I could never come up with that!) Well then we (Fox2, Karfolian, and I) decapitated the n00b, and put it out of our minds.
Eventually, The King came up with a realization he really should have gotten before, that he didn't know his neighbors.
Well, and then nothing happened. Peace was restored to Barrens, so I kinda just tried to advance the army of Barrens. Kyd wasn't here most of the time, so we tried to recruit an army for Barrens. We obtained a small army of anti-trolls.
And with that, Barrens stayed the way it was. Barrens stayed the way it was for way too long. We came to the conclusion that Kyd stopped showing up, but well, at that moment he started coming back.
Marbles tried to hang out in Barrens, but everyone refused to talk to him. He'd always only say "hi boometh" because he thought that he could blame his brother for the villianous deeds of Marbles_312. Obviously not. No one would talk to him, he says, probably because everyone has him muted, I say?
Well, one eventful night, I had a vision. Barrens started to speak to me. He told me something, he said something along the lines of "U MAH RIYT HAND LOL". I wasn't sure if I should tell Barrens, so I said "Barrens, I have something to say." Everyone stopped talking about music, and looked at me. I said, "Uhm...thegamelol" Barrens told me to tell them, so then I instantly told them. Then he told me to relay his words to the chat. He then said,
"Boometh is to be my right hand of the chat, my voice to Barrens Chat, the piece of me that goes to the generic Barrens civilian. I believe Boometh would be very good at that, seeing as he is known in the Barrens Chat community."
"I also think there is to be a Wise Sage of Barrens Chat, someone who is all-knowing and very intelligent. I think it should be LazyDevil."
"There should be master that stands out in the army, a "hero" if you will. But if I will, it is to be an eradicator of n00bs. His name is MnMz4L1F3."
"Lastly, there is to be a villian, someone to be against the community of Barrens. Most people dislike this person, and I can see why, desu most people have him muted. He seems to be just the kind of guy who would revolt against Barrens, and he's pretty revolting himself. I think it should be Suiseyseku, er, Suweesosuki, erm, something. I don't know his name better than you do, okay?"
After this strange vision, Barrens Chat actually started speaking to the whole chat. I kinda went AFK at the time but he said something about a demon coming to Barrens. We can only wait for the day to smite him. Or her. Something tells me it's gonna be a her, a lot of the female Barrenners dislike me.
And then, everyone got a Red Bull he left. The chat shut up for awhile. Nothing really happened.
~Boometh
The Betrayal
Barrens had lost it's cool, and broken under the pressure of /G/amestop. More advertisements appeared to warp one's mind about Kreds. The Knights of Barrens were giving up hope on Kongregate. Many people were down about Kongregate's recent decision, but none more than Boometh, and after his colleague's choice of aspiring to become Barrens' best mod, Boometh is broken. LazyDevil wants to change Barrens for the better.
What do you get if you cross Stalcloud and Boometh? Crystal Meth.
What do you get if you cross a group of whores and a helicopter? A BROFLCOPTER! SOISOISOISOISOISOI
What did David Draiman say as his shower got unexpectedly hot? Oh WAHAHAHA
What do you get if you cross an infection, a helicopter, and a woman? A BLUE WAFLCOPTER!
~LazyDevil
The Excrutiatingly Painful Boredom
Why does the whole kingdom of Barrens share one journal? I don't know. It lacks privacy. I mean that's what a journal is for, right? Oh, well, at least it eliminates the problem of wanting to read someone else's diary-alike, since we kinda have to. Remember the golden age? Oh, man, that stuff was frickin' awesome. No noobs, no retards, no 16 year old girls, no emos, no sparkly vampires, no cuddlefests. Sure, the only thing anyone talked about was Platform Racing 1, but man, that was great. So why do I miss it so much!?
I guess the problem is now, there's nothing to look forward to. I doubt a troll king is coming. I doubt anything is coming! It's been months. I powerleveled the Knights (NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAND), and nothing has happened yet. Someone has to feel me, here. I was over-buffed for Barrens' last stand, right? The final battle with the troll army, one fight to change everything for the better or worse.
And then nothing.
Like I said though, Barrens has died. All the Knights are giving up hope on Barrens. Kongregate had began withering, for all that mattered to them now was Kreds, and their strange children's card game. Gamestop has ravaged the mansion of Kongregate (Yes, Kongregate is a mansion, think about some of the room names) and turned everyone into a currency-driven freak. Although, sure, it wouldn't be a mansion without money, Jewgold matters to the staff more than ever! Back in 2007, Kongregate could pay for itself. To make matters worse, Greg doesn't come here any more. He's practically forgotten about us, probably. Where's our Greg? What has happened?! This sucks.
~Boometh
The End
Okay, it's official. Barrens is dead. Nothing of importance is happening. The "Monarchy" of Kyd and Stal has ended. Dude... Think Barrens as The Capital Wasteland, or the Mojave Wasteland. It really has gone to shit. No one important goes on or contributes. It's just... troll-ridden. At the very least, Gamestop has eased off a bit.
~LazyDevil
Tl;dr
Here's a summary of the stuff that happened in the time of 2007-2011.
The stage is set in Barrens 2007. Boometh, Mindhacker, Aven13, Ketchupyoshi, Nicklol, Greg, KingKyd, and Locomikey666 are the founding fathers of Barrens. Well, from what I know. There were probably people before who I never really got to meet.
2007 was the best. Everything about it was so perfect. Everyone just played Platform Racing 1. (back when the last level was Infernal Hop) No one talked about anything else, but no one complained. Blah blah blah, inafter mine glitch.
Eventually, 2007 comes closer to an end and Barrens started to lose the flow of mana die. Everything starts to suck more. Aven13 gets Fatality'd IRL. Noobs come in. I stay for awhile. Sometime in 2008, I ditch.
Summer 2009 comes and I come back. We seem to have mostly old regs and a few new ones. It might not be the Barrens I had remembered, but it was close-ish. People always talked about the same game. (Starfighter: Disputed Galaxy. Back when it had MULTIPLAYER, HUH?) No one didn't. No one complained.
One day, I was gonna clean my room but then I got high I had a vision. Barrens talked to me. It said something about losing the game and about sages and villains. I was apparently of even greater significane now. (I'm fresh prince of Barrens) Anyway, I relayed what was told to me. When it stopped, we all decided to have a drink.
Some more time comes by, and KingKyd comes to visit. Yes, visit. He decides to rule a land he doesn't live in. He comes here and gets trolled by some guy. Everyone takes a side and flames the other. My colleague Sheensghost took some notes on what happened after the disturbance stopped. We figured there would be bigger fish to fry trolls to terminate later.
2010 came. Kongregate is sold to Gamestop. Barrens begins to lose the flow of mana die again. Not very much happens. LazyDevil, a Barrens reg and knight, wants to become a locust. (term for mod in Barrens chat)
Sheen, Lazy, The Barrens royal family, Outbreak, Bassium, and all the knights prepared for the long assault on the chat. (By prepare, I mean they went to the nearest town, stored their inventory, and asked for buffs) After having done that, Stacks of potions on hand, buffs in mind, we stood here at Barrens ready to defend the chat with our own accounts. And then nothing really happened.
By late 2010, the knights decided that no one is really an "antitroll" anyway. Barrens relies on trolls to keep it alive. None of the regs come here anymore. We've died. It's like we've been obsoleted, except by nothing. Everyone ragequit or went to college. It's 2011 at the time I'm typing this up. I've given up on this chat. Sorry guys. It was fun those four years.
The game,
~Boometh
Return of a Lost Member
As it occurs, in sight of the lack of the interwebz connection to his 360S, Outbreak911 (That Dang Gamer, John the Bassist) returned to Barrens. The voices of old had fallen silent, The Reign was over, the Regs disbanded. Only a few remained. Chuck_N, and MindHacker, that guy no one likes apparently. But, then out of the dark came forth, Stalcloud, and the future didn't seem so dark for the fate of Barrens, in this time between times. Oh yeah, Screw you Connor...
~Outbreak911
The Dark Times
Well, yeah, Barrens became shitty after all the regs got laid looted a real life. Barrens became a synonym to newfriends and returds united. Paradise Chat invaded Barrens with their furry emo roleplay. They were dark times. The last of the remaining regulars fumbled with their swords to chase them away but the extent of the spam made our attempts futile.
But the tale gets darker... After a while... Barrens became... Nice. All the regulars were silent, watching from the shadow as nice people took over the chat, locusts roamed free in our land, infecting it with rainbows and links to my little pony links. The horror. We could do nothing but post porn links snarl and get banned for it from time to time.
~Kehbzy 24/02/2012
The fight
Suis came back with his alt army. He was meaner than ever. He had no friends, everyone was his enemy. Regulars saw the raw force this old good chap carried with him and used him to free our land so we could enslave it once more.
Newfriends quickly became new regulars (OMG IM SO REGULAR, IVE BEEN HERE FOR LIEK 2 WEEKS LOLS!) and joined our struggle to kick the retarded, anti grammar nazi and bronies OUT.
We were soon winning the fight, taking control of our beloves Barrens once more.
~Kehbzy 24/02/2012
The Golden Era
Regulars made a facebook group to meet each other and post their tentacled porn without fear of getting banned, since locusts still roamed from time to time in our kindom. Then our organization grew under the soft paw of the Kenedian also known as CommanderSanta. We would meet in tinychats to see each other naked and share our love for cats, sun glasses and Frenzy's muscular form. Barrens now is a friendly place where we can meet and share our stories, support moose while her dog recovers and reading how Tych hits on Piccolo.
~Kehbzy 24/02/2012
Barren's Wiki is infiltrated
In my search to root out the real regulars of Barrens Chat...I fall upon their wiki and soon learn anyone can edit it! >:D
Barrens Chat is dead, and no Knights in shining armor wielding fierce swords come to terminate me. Instead, I see old dented armor left standing in the ruins that is Barrens. The Throne is empty and cob webs are weaved between the legs of the chair. Dust is seen floating in the air from the weak sun light shining in through the broken stain glass windows, lining the former Great Hall. I stride to the Throne, how many Rulers sat their fat asses on this chair, I pondered. Were they Just? Cruel? Wise? High on weed? I would never know, for this place called Barrens, is only a forgotten legend, decaying outside the borders of the Kingdom Kongregate.
~cerealnuggets 07/24/14
The Comatose State
My forefathers above me mentioned the dying and death of Barrens, which were false endings. Barrens can never truly die until the Gods decide to delete it. Therefore I am calling this The Comatose State/Era.
Barrens is literally empty of /all/ regs, Ayrus was busy modding brainwashing APers into following him in Atlas Park, Sin went missing shortly after (he fell off the Cliffs of Moher, and will forever be extremely missed) and then the great migration began. Fist Moose and Piccccccc followed Ayrus to AP, then tbauer followed them as well. After this, slowly and the remaining regs invaded Atlas Park and they consisted of smokkin, Hallu, Glam, Rob, Frenzy, holy, transgirl, matthew and mathyou, and maybe a few less significant ones that I'm not thinking of. Oh! And LazyDevil. He made a few appearances in AP, but the fok is now a vegetable(potato) and can only communicate in very small doses.
Only ONN remains in Barrens and occasionally spends some time with us in AP.
Edit: Also 12doors and Abel
~d09/m02/y16
RIP in peace Barrens
Well, the Gods decided to pull the plug today, October 21st 2016, stuck in the comatose state so long all hope become lost for a recovery.
Its been a ball. Picc's ball to be precise.
21/10/16