Welcome to Atlas Park
If you aren't a troll, narcissist, or hypocrite, you've come to the wrong place. Here at Atlas Park, we begrudgingly welcome everyone, mainly because we have no choice. If you want to become an regular, reconsider. If you want to become a Moderator, it's not very hard. They really do just hand those jobs out (just kidding, we love you JeniseS, please don't silence us). If you actually manage to merit one of these titles, don't be offended when we roast you in your description. So, welcome to the Park, a pants-free adventuring environment.
Official Page Editors
- Get naked.
- Hate all other rooms and everything they stand for. FOUR LEGS GOOD, TWO LEGS BAD!
- Keep your opinions to yourself unless you're fully prepared to be ferociously argued with.
- We're all bad people, but some of us are better at it.
- Meme responsibly.
- No, we will not add you to the regs list because you are "always on, but just gaming."
- There is no news...
On Kongregate, Moderators are a lot like cops; very powerful, but not very competent. Some of them are chain-smoking homicide detectives, cynical from years on the job. Some are dirty badges, fat and lazy like spoiled cats, ready to take any size bribe to silence that guy you don't like and not lift a finger otherwise. Here at Atlas Park, it is more of an honorary title for elderly homebodies so they can lie to themselves and feel like someone loves them.
"i tell you son, you're not the best. your rappin' dont even past the test. your lyrics really arent that great. you got 15 minutes, now you have to wait" -JeniseS
Always absent when needed and needed when absent, Jenise is wise, down-to-Earth, logical, and elderly all at the same time. She may not be as active as in the past, but no moderator is more loved, an especially easy decision considering the only other moderators at hand. Most regulars, save for the few that have spent the last several years obsessing over the room, can't even recall a time when she actually used her powers as moderator. All that is left of the Jenise who moderated is the stories that we will pass to our grandchildren. Her prime concern is always making people happy, which can be a bit counterproductive when it comes to trolls, but... what the hell. All hail Jenise!
Regulars are people who have donated little pieces of their souls and large chunks of their lives to a particular chat room. In the end, they have absolutely no reward to show for their devotion, other than a little credit. You should respect your regulars and tolerate their mindless bullshit, because you never know when they just might become a Mod and perma-ban your ass.
"Note to self: February is to short, write letter to congressman complaining" -9thDr
9th is everything you could possibly imagine someone who regularly goes into an internet chat room would be; overweight, home schooled, religious, and a great person. Here at Atlas, we consider 9th to possess the spirit of a Park regular poster child. He constantly involves himself in arguments and disputes even if there's no need to, sometimes coming off as a 12 year old. We would expect nothing less than perfect chaos from him, or we wouldn't even allow him in the Park anymore. Despite the occasional bickering, he is one of the extraordinary regulars of this room who contribute their creative minds and consideration to our sub-ordinary Wikia page, so feel free to come to him with any requests you may have concerning the wiki, trust us, he has nothing better to do. Dr, without you, literally no one would give a shit about us. Cheers!
"Thank god." -Atheistman
There's not much to say about Atheistman, because he himself doesn't say much. Every now and then he might interject into conversation to call you stupid, or praise his God, Donald Trump. But despite his strange personification of all things 4Chan we all love him here in Atlas Park. That's not to say we wouldn't love him as much if he left forever, but one can only dream.
"the chatroom isn't all about you." -CL
Though her username encourages such acts in games or within a relationship (See Kong bio for more info) we've decided to tolerate her presence in the room anyway. Most of the time you'll find her in Atlas Park complaining about DJ, all the rest of the time she's out cheating and lying to people. The room wouldn't feel the same if she showed any more, so hopefully this entry will scare her away.
"They'll shut down this room before I'll leave it." -DJ_Church
Atlas Park has a funny way of always drawing someone in who will act as a mature and calm force in the never-ending hurricane of rage and sex-deprived antics. DJ can be found standing in the sidelines during the most heated of flame wars, and shoving in constant commentary. It is true that he doesn't often share the same passion and fury that many of the other regs have... That isn't to say that he doesn't devote his passion and fury towards other things, like casting his pasty hand down onto the wikia page itself; if you have a suggestion or request, he is probably your guy.
"Mr. Rogers is my spirit animal." -Rach
Rach is by far one of the best things to ever happen to The Park, we would put her in the Park Rangers section but she hasn't yet passed the test needed to earn the position. Although she hasn't yet earned the Ranger title she has made a long lasting change to the nature of the room and we appreciate it, which is why this short biography is more of a testament to her care and friendship than our traditional jokes.
"you can have my ass =)" -smokkin
No room is complete without its resident nerd! Occasionally mad with technological discovery, or lack thereof, smokk is defined in the Park by his constant ability to help others. Whether it be that you're crying because something in your house just broke, or just wishing that there was someone out there as passionate about <insert random dork material> as you are, smokk's your man. Chances are, he'll come out of his shell eventually, and a glorious rant about his latest project will come spilling from his genius face.
"or maybe i was engaging in my trademark ribaldry" -twelvedoors
No nook or cranny of the internet is complete without an outspoken, quick-witted millennial to offer a constant pooping of commentary on the workings of the world and its disgusting underbelly. We appreciate twelve for this, especially because without someone to tell us what's happening in the real world where real people live, all we would ever know is hentai and memes.
Gone, but not forgotten.
Ayrus- Our once semi-beloved room owner, Ayrus has left; while some people where left with a bad taste in their mouth we will continue to remember all the good times we had with him when he was here, and leave this up forever in memorial to the once Ranger Ayrus.
blebbeh- If you frequent Atlas Park, you know blebbeh. Shrouded in mystery, she is the self-appointed chronicler of the happenings and personages of the room. Being as narcissistic as she is, paired with how little she cares about anyone or anything else, it is very fair to label her the sociopath to rule them all. The only tangible thing close to human feeling that can be taken from her behavior is her desperate flailing to remain #1 Motherfucker, as emphasized by the vomit of self-praise and angst in her profile's bio. Emotionless, uncaring, and yet strangely captivating, blebbeh may inspire various conflicting feelings. This will make you want to lash out, a desire you should most definitely act on, for the entertainment of the room. In her desperate attempts to keep her precious wiki neat and tidy, when not enthralled in another conversation, you'll see her randomly blurting out investigations on who has been inactive, who wants to be a reg, and who the fuck keeps putting ASCII art penises everywhere.
Shustriy -Old in the room and easy to get to know, Shus was one of the few trolls of the room who wasn't an absolute torture to be around or talk to. He was active like no other and homoerotic enough to power a generator, but one day Shus learned that he had a potential life to live, and dipped out before any of us could mourn. Every now and again, Shus will dig himself out of his grave and come back on an alt that was once confused with a random lurker. Because of this, it is Atlas tradition to consider all familiar-sounding new users yet another embodiment of our beloved Shustriy.